Yesterday, I turned 27. Lord that sounds so old. I certainly don't feel "27." And as sad as it makes me feel to be "getting old", I can't help but look back smugly and feel happy to not be that lost, empty 21 year old. I wish I could've added "insecure" in there too, but I am still totally lacking in the confidence department. Oh well, can't have it all, right? A long time ago I wrote an email on "future me.org" and it can back to me all these years later and I was so, so lost. Ohh how I wish I could go back in the past and slap 21 year old me. Ughhh. But I guess that is what growing up is all about. I thought I had it all figured out but I was so lost, so sad, so confused about life. Oh yeah, and desperate. Very, very desperate. I know that those who have been following my story for a while must think my life is ridiculously shitty or weird, but to be honest, I'm in the best place I have ever been in all my 27 years.
Despite the current legal situation, I am very happy. I have a great job, I am in school pursuing my long term career goal of being a Dietitian. My daughter is happy and healthy and doing great in school. I've finally become the kind of mom I didn't think I could be. I finally found someone that completes me and respects me and values me as a wife and mother. He is a great man who is the best father and best husband! I am still working on me, being a better version of my myself. Hopefully by my next birthday I will be more secure with my looks.
What's crazy is, it was exactly 10 years ago that I found out I was pregnant. I found out I was pregnant on my 17th birthday. I had no idea what the next ten years had in store for me. I never thought my then boyfriend and baby daddy would have ever abandoned me like he did. I didn't foresee me ever having a problem with coke and alcohol. I didn't foresee me getting a DUI. I didn't foresee what a major effect my baby daddy would have on me relationship wise, I didn't know I would struggle so much with relationships. I never thought I'd be married. Or married to a sex offender no less.
But, I also didn't foresee me finally being in a happy place. Finally having the happy little family that I yearned for and wanted so desperately. Finally having a career making good money and doing something I love.
I wish I had known then what I know now. Not sure if that would have changed my decision to keep my daughter or not. But I'll end this with my favorite stanza from my favorite poem:
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
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