17 in idea barrages

1.) I want to wear Gene Simmons make-up to a ballgame just to see if the Kiss Cam is clever enough to put me on.

2.) I blame pervasive musical ignorance for the fact that a parody of King Crimson’s “Cat Food” about Pat Boone would never work.

3.) Selling the effectiveness of TV ads by pointing out how well they sold cigarette cancer death back when there were 3 channels? Not so smart.

4.) Actually, the BIGGEST trick the devil ever pulled was convincing gun owners the NRA serves them & not the munitions production industry.

5.) Were I ever stupid enough to open an online dating profile again, I’d say I looked like “if the wrestler Mick Foley ate Weird Al Yankovic”.

6.) Pee Wee would, of course, defeat the Daleks by making the day’s secret word “Exterminate”.

7.) Athletes in violent sports abuse recreational drugs as pain control? Next you’ll be telling me water is wet or the sky is blue!

8.) We’ve reached a point where if you play the stock market, you can’t make fun of us lotto buyers.

9.) The older you are when your voice finally reaches the masses, the less dumb you’ll then sound, I tell myself, sour grapes-like.

10.) A generation that would be more disturbed by a sandwich sign that read “The End Is Far Away”.

11.) Agent Carter being a period piece, TV executives can’t force them to play that overused “Female Of The Species” song in the ads, thankfully.