15 in idea barrages

1.) I eagerly anticipate the “I’m Rob Lowe and I have Direct TV, I’m Gamergate Rob Lowe and I have cable” ad.

2.) You will name your curio shop “Joanie Loves Tchotchkes”. You don’t have to thank me, just cut me in on the merchandising.

3.) I secretly call every white boy rapper “Snoop Doug” internally. Well, not so secretly anymore, I suppose.

4.) When you’re Pee-Wee Herman, the answer to the question “Are you known for your work in the theatre?” is… surprisingly complex.

5.) The business of assassinations in the ancient world was strictly don’t asp, don’t tell.

6.) Your shoegaze band will be called “Edna St. Vincent Malaise”. You don’t have to thank me. Just cut me in on the merchandising.

7.) In HIPSTER CITIZEN KANE, his last word is “Rosebeard”.

8.) Whoopi Goldberg goes into witness protection as an underground container used for collecting & storing rainwater. It’s called CISTERN ACT.