1114 in idea barrages

1.) Fido hates being labeled as a “cocaine addict”. He prefers “drug sniffing dog”.

2.) The greatest product placement ever would have been “No Old Country Buffet For Old Men” and they blew it. THEY BLEW IT.

3.) Apparently Progressive wasn’t happy with just throwing up in our mouths from ONE Flo. Now there’s six & full projectile vomiting.

4.) There should be a long German word for the disappointment one feels when “Come Together” plays but you realize it’s the Aerosmith version.

5.) I’ll never give up. But the fantasy of giving up is really nice. I’ll never give up but sometimes it feels good to pretend that I could.

6.) The first rule of Utica Club is buy a lot of toilet paper. The second rule of Utica Club is BUY A LOT OF TOILET PAPER.

7.) I’ve decided my self-description is “modestly hot”. You know, like, hot but not intimidating so. That’s what I’m going with.

8.) Someday he’ll finally get that promotion to Rear Admiral Obvious.

9.) Kinky IT staff require at least one numeral and capital letter in their safewords.

10.) Why would you have a hovercar on Tatooine? No matter how cool it looks, something w/ just wheels would be much cheaper & easier to maintain.

11.) Some kind of inverted porno where someone comes to the house to have sex with you but just ends up fixing your cable.

12.) Throwing old computers out the windows, watching them attain terminal velocity.

13.) In Soviet Russia, comet lands on YOU. No. Seriously. It was called the Tunguska Event. Look it up.

14.) How will I sleep now with the theme to the old television show DINOSAURS stuck in my head?

15.) I long for the future built out of cardboard and hope where the stars were all Christmas lights and so were the controls.

16.) The mathematically most annoying song of all time would be a U2 cover of “Christmas Wrapping”.