j30 in idea barrages

When Santa’s sleigh crashed in the Rockies in the 1800s, sure, Santa’s immortal but the very-much-mortal reindeer had to resort to cannibalism for any of them to live, going down in gruesome history as The Donder Party.

A Pixar film about a plucky young kidney stone’s journey to prove herself by escaping the human body called MISSION IMPASSIBLE.

A horror movie where a small-business owner starts spree-killing the CEOs of monopolistic retail outlets and it’s called CHOP LOCAL. I mean, it would be a horror movie to people who own yachts. A comedy to everyone else.

A weed-infused Chinese food chain called P.F. CHONGS.

A Police parody about O. Henry lamenting that people only remember his one Christmas story, titled “Every Little Thing I Do Is Magi”.

Convince someone that British millennials call Santa Claus “Christmas Daddy”.

All you whippersnappers posting your Spotify wrap-ups, I listen to youtube mixes and pine for the days of cassette dubs like some kind of hipster caveman.

The more often I see an ad for something that isn’t a daily necessity that I would have to buy either way, the less likely I am to buy that thing. I think a lot of people are like me in this regard but if we all admitted it, the internet as we know it would collapse away.