Last night in Walking away and into the New

Pizza with T was a typical situation with him behind and forgetting things. But the substance of it was what mattered. Held Evvy. We caught up on our happenings. I was so emotional and I asked him to cuddle. It has always felt and feels so natural. We intuitively touch. But more tears and the knowing that everything has changed and was always supposed to.

It’s a new way of looking at it. We go into something with an agenda, but at the end of the day…our souls agenda trumps everything else. Mr. Happily Ever After ends up showing us a side of ourselves we’ve been hiding from all out life. Of there’s loss because that’s part of the contract. But it’s still sad.

Today feels like I’m saying goodbye to everyone. This new energy feels too mature…too independent…and feels like Mandy is gone. Please don’t be gone :( Everything feels different and I hate it. I don’t even feel here right now. I miss so much :(

Positives:
Mom gave me a plant I forgot she rescued from my old apartment when I was movin gout 3 or so years ago. I didn’t even remember and now it’s here in the sun with a fairy in the dirt.

Showing mom that she has natural highlights in her hair that she never saw before.

Can’t say it’s positive but how it happened is something. I could have waited until Tuesday and paid more to have my hair done right. But I tried to trim it last night and it was uneven. Had a coupon for Great Clips and asked about the outcome of going there. 10 of cups. Then I was hesitant and weighed the decision. Card 1 was GC and card 2 was the old stylist back in the city I moved from. A was 10 of cups AGAIN and B was the devil. The overall experience was awful since my stylist didn’t know what she was doing and I likely got the opposite of what I was looking for, but am going with it. It was a double card for a reason and maybe I’ll end up loving it.

Was smart with groceries. A lot of alkaline foods and got my naked chicken. Making a broth the right way this time and really should be meal prepping an finishing chores. But all I feel is loss going on behind the scenes.

I could have easily hung out with R today…but the energy isn’t going anywhere and he’s not T :( He’s not Timmers. Just doesn’t feel right.

The stars say that more relationships will end and then more will com in around July. I don’t have many more to end unless they’re not significant.

Hurts :(