Boys in Walking away and into the New

I thought the aurapalooza was today. It wasn’t. Thanking MR :P I instead purchased bags and gloves to clean up the neighborhood when I go on walks.

After my appointment, T had me stop over to get a few things and drop off others. Not much has changed. I allowed him to tell me about his improved golf swing and watched Youtube videos with him. Admired his plants and held Evvy. Little chittering cheerio eating puff ball with a tail. I just love that guy. I wanted to give him money, clean up....something…but didn’t. Instead, he gave me a few airplane rides as he calls them and I let him. He was a little touchy feely and wanted hugs and it wasn’t a big deal. He asked to go on a walk and that was fine. We had some teary moments with memories, and he said he knew he needed to go back to work. He told me more than I knew the months up to this. He asked if he could see Hershey sometime. Maybe. He’s made it clear that he isn’t trying to rekindle anything, but still want to hang out. It’s MR so this is the energy now AND it can change. We’ll see. At least Hershey has his blanket back and I have a dish to bake tilapia in…or make tummy friendly brownies.

Rick told me he’s an INFJ with enneagram #9. I wonder how similar we’re going to be. We chatted more and I’m interested about this meeting. It’s not romantic…definitely not with another INFJ and one that lives out of state. I sent him an updated pic since it’s been two some years. Was self conscious, but it was okay. I still don’t know if I see what others see. I may never know. BDD is like that. He seems safe. We’ll see.

Mom is assuming I’m the expert on how the eclipse effects cats lol. I guess her cats morphed into very unlike them versions and were showing up in her dreams with messages lol. If the full moon effects animals, the eclipses definitely will too.

Positives
Spending time with T and getting us both outside just spending time with people we care about
With that, having Evvy time
Jersey Mike’s subs now have gluten free options, so dad and I can go there tomorrow :)
The kindness of the dentist and dental hygienist and surviving the filling even though my anticipatory and actual anxiety were so high. NTS Next time, just take the dang PRN.
Returning the favor to K and being a professional reference for her
Getting Hershey outside and taking the time to spend time out there and watch the sunset.
Teaching someone how to do self-healing energy work
Made my second out of five successful batches of homemade mayo

It’s only been 18 days since I’ve been here. It’s still April…time is going by so slowly.

I don’t think I was fawning with T. I don’t think that spending time here and there is so harmful. I really care about them. It’s not like a country break up song where he’s asking her to come over and stay the night and not talk about what went down…just be in the pleasure of the moment and leave before breakfast. It’s not like that at all.

Energy is active with the high pitch sounds and body sensations. Feeling somewhat disoriented and ungrounded too.

Hey, it’s okay
Please be okay…
love

Last updated April 14, 2024