feb 7 in idea barrages

A parody of Ray Stevens’ “Guitarzan” about the near-infinite human rights abuses that had to occur to make the Qatar World Cup a possibility.

On those reality shows about plural marriage, it’s always ridiculous when the dude tries to pretend he actually wants functional relationships, not just a bunch of servants he can have sex with. I was born in August but not this August, my dude, come on.

Sometimes, I feel like everyone cool is all paired-off, during the time I spent trying to be an artist and now I’m middle-aged and alone. Other times, I realize if I had kids and a mortgage, I couldn’t be working on rad horror short stories about Paul McCartney.

If you sit around on the couch all day watching teevee and someone asks you what you do all day, you can say “I work remote!” without lying.

People thinking they can protect their intellectual property by pasting a paragraph of jargon into their facebook feed are on their first steps toward claiming to be a Sovereign Citizen who can discharge all debts in Admiralty Court by writing everything in capital letters.

I now want a parody of the show Yellowstone about Jellystone National Park. A grim and gritty Ranger Smith played by Kevin Costner wouldn’t be as absurd as Avatar 2, I’ll give you that much.

Pain is just the feeling of good health leaving your body!

Buying fancy clothes, wearing them once and returning them as if you found something wrong with them for a full refund, that’s just a tux loophole.