Make me nom nom. in The Napkin.

I’m not sure how to describe my still undiagnosed depression. When I’m fine, it’s almost like waiting for my mood to drop. Wary of savoring it, as if I will drain the nice feels faster.

And when I’m not, there’s this downplaying of “oh, I could be worse”. In part, because it has. The dark cloud is heavy. The apathy blinds me to anything potentially nice. Simply stumbling around, only flinching away when something is specifically uncomfortable. Content to just be and drift, most of the time.

My sense of humor is generally pretty intact. I know it’s a really really bad episode (if I have episodes?) If my sense of humor is vacant.

I’m tired and hungry. Is tungry a word? Tirengy? My sense of taste is still intact. Alas, even if food tastes good, it doesn’t raise my mood.

I’ve prepared a mind game for myself to outsmart myself. If I get that stupid “I don’t want to be in an altered state” argument against meds, I’ll remind myself of the possibility that my default mental state IS an altered state.

Then again. Who the hell identifies as normal or neurotypical?