aug 21 in idea barrages

Your EDM DJ vampire persona will be called “Count Bassy”.

Radio killed the gramophone star, gramophone killed the piano roll star, piano roll killed the dancing hall star. The reality you were born into believing permanent firmament was always changing. Having half-a-mayfly’s lifespan, such as we do, we just lack real perspective.

What would sell better? A ravioli made to look like a wrapped condom or a wrapped condom made to look like a ravioli?

Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries “Oops! No Berries!” It’s just regular Cap’n Crunch but in a different box. On it, the Cap’n looks… perhaps not angry but surely disappointed. Once again, his crew has let him down but he cannot punish them for he fears mutiny.

How about Mountain Don’t?

Olympic Opening and Closing Ceremonies are basically, like, lame stationary versions of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. I feel like if there were more Garfield balloons and Santa Claus showed up at the end, they would be almost watchable.

If only John Kerry wasn’t entirely boring, I’d love to see Henry Winkler star as John Kerry in something.

The drag performer at your DICK TRACY themed burlesque will perform a dance as a character called “Lips Manwich”.