may 3 in idea barrages

I don’t know how therapeutic reiki is or isn’t, I just know that if you say it two times in a row, it sounds like you’re scratching a record.

It’s okay to admit that every time in your life you’ve ever gotten an X-ray or a shot, you were secretly disappointed that this wasn’t the one that finally unlocked your superpowers. We all feel that. We’re all there. Every single time.

Most of the time, I would say “there are no guilty pleasures, there is nothing to be ashamed of in deriving joy from something,” Then I remember that I kind of like some songs by Bob Seger.

We always knew that the majority of the rich and the famous were twisted but, man, I miss when they had to pretend otherwise. I hate that leaning into the cruelty is now part of the grift. The “big tough mean guy” grift. Piers Morgan just being a weak version of a wrestling heel.

These frozen boneless wings describe their preparation procedure as “toss and sauce” and they have no idea how unappealing a phrasing they created. I literally haven’t made them yet because the phrase is so damned gross.

Upton Funk show The Jungle to you (woo)

Before going on a dangerous expedition, order a single box of Omaha Steaks. You will never be lost for long. Hell or high-water, they WILL find you to try and make you buy more steaks. You can’t shake the Steaks. Matt Damon on Mars should’a just ordered Omaha Steak.

“I’ll never be a good enough thief to steal from that hotel.” “Don’t give in to inn security.”