mar 7 in idea barrages

The internet is the ability to be judged against the best at all times and always come up lacking. There was a time if you were the strongest or smartest or best looking of the 200 people you’d meet in your life, you’d be doing great. Now you get to see transcendent talents and beauties every single day flop hard for not being one in ten billion. It’s rough out there. Breathe.

“Baby, you’re a firework,” she said, “you had to be illegally smuggled in from South Carolina and at some point, you are going to explode and someone’s going to lose part of their hand, at a bare minimum.”

America as a multi-panel comic strip, punching down so hard we break into the top of the next panel, cracking ourselves in the head. Which makes us so blindly mad we punch down again harder. An ouroboros of vindictive rage and reflexive self-injury.

The land of “playing one on teevee” counting for more than actually being one.

Hershey’s chocolate adds butyric acid so our choccy bars can taste juuuuuuust a little bit like vom. Because there was a mistake early on but everyone just got used to it so now we like it that way. Now we just eat our vom bars. This is analogy for the entire American experience.

Yeah, if you stare into the void long enough, it will start to stare back. Absolutely. But we’re long past that, the all of us, aren’t we. Void’s been staring back a while now. It’s a full on staring contest but maybe MAYBE JUST MAYBE… the void will blink first. That’d be rad.

If the ads on youtube were 1970s-style terribly earnest cheap local commercials instead of slick schlock trying to sell us boob-jiggle mobile games and mail-order glasses, maybe we’d turn the adblock off. If you actually tried instead of throwing tits and memes at us, who knows!

At best “Season’s Greasings” would be about how Santa gets down the chimney. At very best. If it’s anything else, I don’t wanna know.