mar 3 in idea barrages

I feel like if I ever got the opportunity to put out a short story collection, I’d have to go with the title “It’s Not Okay and That’s Okay”.

Italian Restaurants: sell garlic knots to ironic hipsters by renaming them “our signature greasy balls”.

Homemade pickles are a perfect metaphor for those who think they can “change” bad people via relationship. All that work to cover up how bitter and watery a cucumber is by coating it in sour and gross. Why not start with something GOOD instead and leave it that way?

Mayor McCheese is considering running for higher office. He’s got a point, the guy’s on a roll.

Your heart racing from eating too many bodega chips, that’s just Takicardia.

singing “And like a bad neighbor, Jake Paul is there”

Disaccharides are ambidextrose.

There was a time, I swear, where “you’re being followed” “you’re being watched” was the scariest thing to hear, not everyone’s dream. When someone you never met giving you “love” was called for a restraining order, not a metric to be milked.