jan 22 in idea barrages

Sometimes a speech impediment is just an obstructed vowel.

No, the worst wordplay possible would be “stuffed crotch pizza”.

Fan fiction about Lucille Ricardo joining the police force called CAGNEY & LUCY.

Yes, shooting explosive chickpea rays out of your eyes sounds like an underwhelming superpower but think about getting to be called GARBANZO BEAMS.

That nuts bongo-and-horns explosion before a CBS holiday special is basically my childhood in one sonic burst. If you were near my age and a lower middle class kid in America, it’s probably yours as well.

I keep mashing up the Weezer song “Hash Pipe” and that novelty one hit wonder “Heaven is a Halfpipe” in my head. “If I die before I wake, at least in heaven I’VE GOT MY HASH PIPE”. It is a very silly song.

I like putting ad slogans in the past tense then imagining it solemnly intoned as cause of death. “He didn’t just eat, he dunkarooed.” “Once he popped, he couldn’t stop.” “He was coocoo for Cocoa Puffs.” “He was crunchitized by the Captain.”

A bourgeois hipster cereal called Sun-Dried Tomat-Os with a mascot named Tuscan Sam.