jan 6 in idea barrages

Ask not what The Bartman can do for you, ask how you can better do The Bartman.

2020 has been an infinite regression of Rubicons. We keep thinking there are no more lines we could cross and yet here we are again. It’s like a Bear Went Over The Mountain scenario of indignities and horrors.

Here’s my pitch for a western New York hot sauce festival. SRIACHESTER.

A tongue twister for the modern age: “Nietzsche was no Nazi but his sister did the nasty with a Nazi and rewrote his past to make his noted Nietzsche scribblins into nasty Nazisms.”

Now I kinda want to rewrite Steely Dan’s “Bodhisattva” to be about the horrifying children’s song “Frere Jacques”. “Frere Jacques, are you dead or just asleep? Frere Jacques, are you dead or just asleep?”

Science has now determined the worst possible closer to the “I like my coffee like I like my women…” one-liner. After 7 years of clinical trials, the worst answer is now clear: “In K-Cups”. This blood is on your hands, Keurig. You just had to make a coffee that came in K-Cups.

“The Pina Colada Song” is only written by Rupert Holmes technically, as a legal fiction, in the same way that an embassy’s laws are of the foreign nation but it’s still the host country’s land. It is in all ways meaningful and real a dumb-ass Jimmy Buffet song.

If 1 is the loneliest number, is 1/1 the reason you can’t get no saddest fraction?