jan 1 in idea barrages

The removal of the intricate animatronic floorshows diminished Chuck E. Cheese from Child Las Vegas Casino all the way down to Child Gas Station Just Over The Nevada Border With Eight Video Slotmachines.

HELLO, LOCH NESS, MY OLD FRIEND/ I’VE COME TO SEARCH YOUR POND AGAIN

They could’ve made the old 404 errors a “505” so that it could’a sorta looked like “S.O.S.” but as always, I was not consulted so the clever wordplay didn’t happen.

TARNATION INSTANT BREAKFAAAAAAAST, YOU’RE GONNA LOVE IT ETERNALLY.

A line of goth make-up sold door to door called Mary deKay.

I hate when the frozen aisle says “Meal Solutions” and then the foods are solids and not, you know, solutions. Can’t we just say “frozen food” if it’s frozen food? Must corporate non-speak permeate everything?

If you think about it, “21 Jump Street” could’ve just as logically named “Narc Tales”. Woo-ooh.

Somebody probably was working on a cartoon about cute pandas called PANDEMIC and 2020 ruined that pitch too.