july 12 in idea barrages

It’s… beginning to look a lot like Christmas… aaaaaand it really bloooows…

745 am Saturday May 9th 2020. I wake up to the world in a coffee stained Mets shirt.
The “president” is a fascist failed game show host installed by the Kremlin via electoral fraud.
The country is shut down due to a deadly plague, though rednecks are demanding at gunpoint to be
allowed to infect people as well as themselves. My Facebook feed is filled with otherwise reasonable
humans convinced the kind of plague that just biologically pops up every three or four generations
is a wild conspiracy, just because the shortness of a human life robs us of our perspective, convinces
us that fleeting norms were eternal rules and riddles us with absurd magical thinking. I just nuked my
laptop with a spilled coffee (why the shirt is stained) and was running a white noise generator on a
cellphone with a cracked screen to sleep. I type this with my thumbs, trying to avoid slivers of cellphone
screen glass as I go. Despite being the middle of May, there is a fresh blanket of snow in my backyard.
All in all, I am putting the white noise machine back on and going back to sleep. It seems like the only
rational response.

The television keeps trying to make post Friends Matt Leblanc happen like a teenage white girl on Twiiter trying to make imaginary slang Snoop Dogg or Rupaul tricked her with happen.

If you are able to both eat good food and terrible, you are bi-fieri.

Everytime I set up a new computer, I have to remind Microsoft Edge that its only use is to download Firefox. If it wasn’t such a terrible browser, I’d feel bad for it.

A Confederate flag with the caption: “These colors do run. They run like the little defeated cowards that based their lives around oppressing a racial underclass so they could be stupid lazy cowards. These colors run like scared little give-up babies.”

The Beyond Sausage Sandwich sounds like a term for an all woman three way. Advertisers should consult me on double entendres before naming their stuff, I should be rich from warning them.

In my journal, I keep little eight-tweet chunks a day of my social media ideas as “daily barrages” that I can go through for future pieces. It’s part of my “process”. Usually I am two or three weeks ahead. In COVID lockdown, I’m working on July 12th on May 9th.