may 13 in idea barrages

The dog would help her make mayonnaise, he was an emulsional support animal.

It sure was easy for people up here to “be in solidarity with NYC” after 9/11, when they thought it just meant being more racist against Arabs. When it means providing medical aide to people with a different way of life, man, they sure do clam up, don’t they.

…was Willy Wonka a neccomancer?

Only when people start hoarding breakfast cereals instead will things start feeling Post apocalyptic.

Mr. Whipple demanded you didn’t squeeze the Charmin, not to protect the product but because he was a prophet. He knew that the time of the Charmin squeezing would be a time of great tribulation and was trying to hold back his own prophecy.

We used to wish on stars, you know. Now we share obvious scams on social media. We were always gullible but, Christ, the old way at least had a sort of… whimsical elegance to it.

If you can spell “Jeff” as “Geoff” and “Sean” as “Shawn” somewhere in the world, there’s a “John” named “Geawn”.

Your quarantine bad-movies marathon will be called SCHLOCKDOWN.