may 4 in idea barrages

When this is all over, let’s get together and cover Dylan’s “Not Dark Yet” in the style of Leonard Cohen together.

You can tell if you’re in New England or The Middle Atlantic entirely by if the inevitable random abandoned coffee cup in the drug store is from Dunkin or Starbucks.

Had Outback Steakhouse been smart, they would’ve paid the producers of Ghostbusters 3 so that when Egon’s daughter/granddaughter/whatever would be forced to choose the form of the destroyer, they’d have to battle The Looming Onion.

Captain Picard looks into his bathroom mirror as he pops a space-viagra, Dr. Crusher waiting expectantly in the next room over. He swallows and points to himself in the mirror, whispering hopefully: “Engorge.”

If a pierced nipple gets infected, is that a titty-blister?

She doesn’t like being called “kink-versatile”, she prefers to call it “whipped topping”.

I mean, if you were REALLY cool, you’d be working on a parody of the Velvet Underground’s “Foggy Notion” about the Daredevil supporting character Foggy Nelson but I am still not legally allowed to force people to be that cool. Yet.

If someone had just called her bluff and kissed Flo’s grits as she always requested, maybe ALICE could’ve ended a lot earlier.