Entries 5,130

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1.) The Alaskan version of “who’s on first?” probably has something in it like “Juneau!” “I know what?” “No no, Juneau?” “What are you asking me what I know?” Etc. 2.) Direct cheesy horror movies...

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You’re probably familiar with Lent, the six weeks from Ash Wednesday to Easter (especially for Catholics) where one is supposed to fast and pick at least one luxury to give up. The hope being sel...

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1.) The inside of this dog’s face must be magic. I see everything he eats and nothing that goes into his mouth smells one-tenth as awful as when it comes back out as breath. If only we could turn...

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1.) It turns out that Mario and Luigi are the sons of Dr. Joyce Brothers. 2.) Tom Holland can Voltron together with like twelve other Toms to create the unstoppable kaiju monster Tom Netherlands....

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1.) I wanna just wander around looking at the world, at the people, at the things they’ve made, I am of the sub-species meander-thal. 2.) If your cult makes its own dairy products in its fortress...

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1.) On one hand, the elder Bush did horrifying things as president. On the other, he at least feigned WASP-y gentility & was by all accounts an educated person of above-average intelligence. ...

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1.) Tell me you weren’t disappointed when you found out “SHARK TANK” was a game show starring venture capitalist douchenozzles and not about the adventures of a crimefighter who drives a tank tha...

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1.) Try to convince someone that Thor Ragnarok was released in Japan under the title Loki Loki Panic. 2.) They were performing surgery on that grape to splice in gorilla DNA. Soon our cities will...

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1.) For all I know, if there’s a bot running around copying me, maybe it’s better at being me than I am. Maybe I’d have to friend him and take notes. 2.) I don’t know if the dish “puttanesca” was...

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1.) Your fish out of water sitcom about an American going to the Middle East to teach English in a prep school for the elite will be called WELCOME BACK QATAR. 2.) Surprisingly few chainsaws were...

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1.) People who act oblivious aren’t always, really, sometimes we know the worst is probably coming but we act like we’re assuming the best because acting tough won’t change anything if the worst ...

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1.) A Mr. Rogers song about facebook: “These are the people that you maybe know, that you maybe know, that you maybe know, oh these are the people that you maybe know, they’re the folks you’ll ne...

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1.) Today’s song for Ollie: “whoooa, there’s no dog there, WHOOO-OA, LITTLE TINY BEAR” 2.) Had the Blur song “Beetlebum” been a radio hit, it would definitely be a song about the Beagle Boys from...

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the devil’s emissaries on our earth are the gun once there were too many of us running around here the devil had his hands full the devil couldn’t keep up with all our petty things so the de...

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love will not come down as a conquering warrior love will not come as some pretty twenty-four frame-per-second blur animated by the flicker love will come to you in rags as if a refugee love...

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she wears the nightsky’s dark and stars as were it a cloak about her shoulders valkyrie, flaxen, honeyed-yellow hair not nearly as awkward as she believes boundless enthusiasm balanced ou...

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1.) A parody of Bob Seger’s “Kathmandu” about crab rangoon, sure. 2.) “Tekashi 6ix9ine” sounds less like a rapper & more like an obscure anime, maybe about women who pilot giant robot battles...

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1.) Waiting for Neil Young to reinvent himself as a rapper called Young Neil. 2.) Interrobang is both a rarely used punctuation and the name for the water-boarding fetish. 3.) On a long enough t...

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1.) I want a reboot of “Home Improvement” where the Tim Taylor character is a gay fellow. I feel like it would not only be fun but it would anger all kinds of people whose voices shouldn’t matter...

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1.) Nailing Trump’s daughter with “but her e-mails” is fun and everything but the “but her e-mails” narrative was never really about the righties, it was about the far left buying that narrative ...

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1.) I mean, I guess I could write a parody of Guns N Roses “Mr. Brownstone” about Paula Poundstone. 2.) A cereal called Dommin’ Os, basically Cheerios but with little chocolate marshmallow gimp m...

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1.) By cooking your roux to various levels of doneness, you can achieve the fifty shades of gravy. 2.) I will invent the musical sub-genre of “Skazoo” which is basically sarcastic ska but all the...

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1.) Psychics staging bloodless simulacra of the future’s battles, historical pre-enactors. 2.) An Amazon warehouse with low pay, impossible hours and exploitative work conditions isn’t “job-creat...

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1.) Dreamt in fractals of meaning again, patterns of false binaries & every prismatic prison pattern broken thru gave way to another level of a different same. Going up thru freedom, down thr...

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Larry was born into a secret society with superpowers in their blood, hiding in plain sight among us. Very few of them had world-shaking abilities, though, his mother could accelerate someone’s h...

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