Entries 5,213

Page 58 of 209

In my sleep, these parody lyrics of Slip Slidin’ Away came to me: “I knew a man, he came from Gothamtown, he showed his passion off for justice in a war with clowns”. A mob forms in front of ...

---

You know, I don’t think Dave Grohl wants or needs Mr. T’s pity. In Britain, do they call large garages for trucks “lorry holes”? A newsletter for Disney fanatics should be called “The Walt ...

---

The problem with idealists is that unless they have their ideal, and immediately, they will tear down any progress for the sin of falling short of their goal. Ideals are wonderful for inspirati...

---

Freedom Patriots (TM) where are you with your make-you-feel-like-a-big-man murder sticks you’re so proud of, when police are attacking protestors in the streets? I thought you were all Don’t Tr...

---

Rome burns while Nero golfs. An Uptown Funk/Rammstein mash-up involving the line “Du hast? Hast damn.” I could not care less about some rich jerk piggybacking his billionaire space vanity p...

---

Sophie would wander out, sometimes, to the holler in the countryside at the edge of town. It was the kind of place the old folks spoke of fondly, where she and her friends had run wild when they ...

---

How Hanna-Barbera hasn’t sold the idea of “Captain Craveman” to some fast food joint, I will never know. The tabletop RPG for roleplaying as a member of my family will be called Hoarders &...

---

How are we going to break it to the Spice Girls that what we want, what we really really want is for ALF to come back, in POG form? Your chiptune DJ name will be “Christopher Walkman”. The ...

---

because you’re threading the needle of dreading the real but you’re threatened by weedles and those playing long-cons while you’re left there just waiting to up to...

---

Create an imaginary form of Italian line-dancing and declare yourself “Lord of the Danza”. Sometimes I want to write a story about the Norfolk City Hall trying to put up the Ten Commandments ...

---

If we could take the irrational hatred of Andy Cuomo by rednecks and fringe-lefties alike in New York State and just somehow transfer it to Rivers Cuomo, we may still yet find an end to the sco...

---

Okay, a humour poetry contest, very much my wheelhouse! Won 100 bucks, even! Check it out. People can win or place in these kinds of things, it happens. There are so many great writers here, you ...

---

I feel like we could really make some cynical money selling “Placename Strong” tee-shirts. All the petty little prepper power fantasies dissolve like candyfloss in rainstorm when faced with a...

---

They’re exactly like Lunchables except Mitch McConnell’s face is printed on every cracker and they’re just called Punchables. Two aging disgraced bumbling cops take over security at a trendy ...

---

when this passes if this passes I will feel naked without a mask on when this passes if this passes I will hesitate before I embrace in public and I apologize in advance when...

---

we cannot say with any certainty Rachel Ray has eaten human flesh of course that would be absurd unprovable libelous defamation we have no proof TV’s Rachel Ray has feasted upon the lo...

---

I dreamed of a record found up in the attic when played it looked just like teevee static which hasn’t existed since they killed analog but something was calming in that random fog grooves sp...

---

I hope Elton John and Billy Joel have a falling out and Elton writes a diss track called POCKET MAN about how Billy is so tiny he can keep him in his pants with his wallet and cellphone. If y...

---

To humanize Tom Brady only brings the human race down further, it does the rich little privilege machine manlet no favours. In an all-fat-guy KISS cover band, I claim the nom-de-stage “Peter ...

---

It could be better, it could be worse for Jemma Taylor, M.F.A. While most of her old grad-school comrades slave away as untenured adjunct professors, she fell into writing a gimmicky series of pa...

---

Don’t call them “dog breeders” they prefer the term “red rocket scientists”. I sure hope that Larry the Cable Guy’s tailor is called Cary the Label Guy. Wanting the world to be a better pla...

---

You gotta play reverse psychology games with the universe sometimes, I think. Call your experimental aircraft “the Hubris”. Dare the gods to look too on-the-nose. This Grimes/Musk thing will ...

---

You don’t get many chances to say “we took this haunted house and made it a haunted home” but when you do, you have to take it. The current Song For Ollie is to a Rolling Stones tune and is s...

---

Wishing each other Happy Hondadays is just a small part of the larger War on Chryslermas. A “president” refusing to mask because feigning strength in a time of crisis is more important than l...

---

The word is not the thing, of course, Korzybski, but the hope is that the word can at least gesture toward it. We use our words like B.B. pellets at a carnival shooting range, where one could nev...

---