littlefallsmets ⋅ 45 ⋅

I write words, I sometimes get to perform them out, sometimes I'm even paid. And I'm trying to get it right, get it right.

with enough repetition, your flaws become your style

@Cecconi140

Entries 5,129

Page 48 of 206

January 06, 2021

jan 9 in idea barrages

The weirdest thing about Trump is how much of his cult are just living vicariously through the crimes and sins, like someone watching the terrible unlikable characters on ENTOURAGE or BIG BANG ...


January 06, 2021

jan 8 in idea barrages

I love saying the word “autumnal” almost as much as I love pretending that its mid-year equivalent is “sumerian”. If I could teach America one fact, it would be “Just because someone agrees w...


January 06, 2021

jan 7 in idea barrages

If you say “Shandyman” three times into a mirror, a ghost appears and ruins your beer by pouring cheap lemonade into it. The word “internet” is actually derived from the ancient Greek “intras...


If you’ve ever seen someone who isn’t American try our chocolate for the first time, you might be surprised to find they say it tastes like puke and truth is that they’re right. The standard form...


January 03, 2021

jan 6 in idea barrages

Ask not what The Bartman can do for you, ask how you can better do The Bartman. 2020 has been an infinite regression of Rubicons. We keep thinking there are no more lines we could cross and y...


January 03, 2021

jan 5 in idea barrages

A movie about Sesame Street getting canceled for being bigoted against grouches called UNFOLLOW THAT BIRD. When you invest your entire savings into a medical marijuana dispensary, you’re tota...


January 03, 2021

jan 4 in idea barrages

Little high-test micro Bloody Mary called a Mary, Queen of Shots. It’s a haiku, it’s a koan, it’s a haikoan. The only haikoan 2020 requires: how many psychic fairs were cancelled beca...


January 01, 2021

jan 3 in idea barrages

You didn’t need pizza on a bagel to have pizza any time. You always could’ve had pizza whenever you wanted. It was societal expectation holding you back, not a bagel’s lack. Free your mind and ...


January 01, 2021

jan 2 in idea barrages

I just hope that in the worst named television show of all time “Shasta McNasty” the lead character had an arch enemy named Shasta McNamaste who was like a super chill yoga bro who always upsta...


“Gimmie the real stuff,” the old man said each and every time he ate there, “not the fake crap they gave us in ‘Nam.” Whenever he was in that diner, he ordered the pancakes and eggs and whenever ...


December 30, 2020

jan 1 in idea barrages

The removal of the intricate animatronic floorshows diminished Chuck E. Cheese from Child Las Vegas Casino all the way down to Child Gas Station Just Over The Nevada Border With Eight Video Slo...


December 30, 2020

dec 31 in idea barrages

That South Park “all the sides are equally stupid because they’re trying and everything that tries is stupid, FART NOISE” energy certainly doesn’t play well these grim days, that’s for sure. ...


December 30, 2020

dec 30 in idea barrages

Since “pomme de terre” is French for potato, I hope a vodka sommelier is called a “pommelier”. The realization that with the proper slant pronunciation “Guy Fieri” can rhyme with “Mom’s spagh...


December 27, 2020

dec 29 in idea barrages

What kind of an idiot bankrupts a casino? It’s literally a license to steal money. “Mister Loaf was my father, please, call me Meat.” Sanders, the Icarus moment for the American left, a del...


December 27, 2020

dec 28 in idea barrages

When we don’t sleep, the push-downs become the bubble-ups. Let yourself sleep. Those push-downs, they can stay down there for one night, it’s okay. They’ll be there tomorrow and the fight will ...


December 27, 2020

dec 27 in idea barrages

Sometimes I feel like faith’s a curse placed on the heads of woman and man, to blind us to the true wonder of this world by providing us with fantasies far more wild and grandiose than those ex...


December 23, 2020

dec 26 in idea barrages

If you gotta say “I don’t mean it in a weird way” you know that you mean it in the WEIRDEST way. I’ve explained to so many gas station clerks what the lotto-quick-pick Super Pack is might as ...


December 23, 2020

dec 25 in idea barrages

A story of a gnome paladin that rides Cerberus as a mount called “Three-Dog Knight”. Actually, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing folks that Bob Dylan wasn’t behind the e...


December 23, 2020

dec 24 in idea barrages

They believe their money, their inherited wealth, makes them a different species, a next step in evolution, homo pecunia rising above mere homo sapiens. But it’s just shiny metal, paper in thei...


“The Hands that touched the Hands” is the Catholic tradition that fascinates me most. The idea the mandate for their clergy, from pope to parish priest, is derived from an unbroken chain of conta...


December 20, 2020

dec 23 in idea barrages

While carving D&D miniatures out of soft wood, you sing to yourself “an orc is an orc of cork, of cork, and no one can talk to an orc of cork, though some would fork on speech to orcs, if t...


December 20, 2020

dec 22 in idea barrages

A cult leader who forces his followers to workout to death called Gym Jones. I respect the Keurig machine for its tenacity in its endless requests for descaling and the water filter being cha...


December 20, 2020

dec 21 in idea barrages

Even if you love the hell out of football, you have to admit it’s gross how in the middle of a plague, so many people are acting like “well, football’s back! everything’s normal again!” because...


December 17, 2020

dec 20 in idea barrages

Cloning time, three more times for alcohol, so get those other mes two beers. Cloning time, one of me could go home while those two stay here. I KNOW WHERE TO GO TO GET SOME CLONES, I KNOW WHER...


December 17, 2020

dec 19 in idea barrages

Yes, I was just rapping “I just don’t trust investments, no dividends, no dividends” what of it? Whenever “Ahhhh!” is used just in text, I don’t read it as “AAAH SCARY” I read it as “AAAH REF...


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