littlefallsmets ⋅ 45 ⋅
I write words, I sometimes get to perform them out, sometimes I'm even paid. And I'm trying to get it right, get it right.
with enough repetition, your flaws become your style
Entries 5,128
Page 16 of 206
june 20 in idea barrages
Why did I never realize how much Dwight Schrute looked like Garrison Keillor. It was right there. It was right there. Why say “industrial spy” when you can say “the office deceptionist”? An...
june 18 in idea barrages
You might think Viagra will uncomplicate your life but, really, you’re just making it hard on yourself. I think the thing is, it’s better to say I’m trying my best to be an ally than to say I...
june 16 in idea barrages
A classy BBC remake of “Bridesmaids” called “Bridesmaid Revisited”. The “Father and Son” scene in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 helped me finally realize that a lot of Flaming Lips songs are basi...
you have to save everyone. if you can’t save everyone, save as many as you can. if you can’t save anyone, save yourself for later. if you can’t save yourself, at least save ...
Once Reagan “bit the wax tadpole”, as Kurt laconically described the assassination, Secretary of State Alexander Haig stepped in swiftly to seize control of the presidential powers as a “Martial ...
parody of Coyotes by Modest Mouse in song parodies
bronson pinchot and the blades in the dark playing a show in new york’s central park they aren’t aware he’s a serial killer of those who look like his old co-star mark as they die, he claims the...
june 14 in idea barrages
A knock-off Eggo box with the catchphrase “Get offle my waffle!” I just realized that Andrew Tate looks like an elderly Don Knotts with a little more muscle definition and a bad spray tan. ...
june 12 in idea barrages
The beauty of Paris can be overwhelming, that’s why they call it Eyefull Tower. She understood that some people had their own favourite Italian restaurants but that wasn’t her way. She liked ...
june 10 in idea barrages
Many of the things we think we know about Harland Sanders are wild exaggerations but most do contain a colonel of truth. A series of urban legends about a cursed soupmaker roaming the streets...
ludwig von drake in poetry
all you gotta do is change your name to be a pop star or a rock star or a rap star all you gotta do is paint your face like someone else hide the fact you were born super rich or claim yo...
on the birthday of the Grimace in poetry
my working theory on The Grimace is since he was originally a shake stealing villain with four arms but is now Ronald’s mentally dim sidekick the Grimace’s brains are distributed throughout th...
june 8 in idea barrages
Maybe all spiders can write words into their webs like Charlotte but most of them are into death metal and they’re just doing those logos for death metal bands no one can actually read. Nothi...
“Philboyd,” the taller uncle finally moved away from Dakota toward Bobby, “let the kid be, huh” then he corrected himself, “let the five-hundred-year-old time-traveler be, he’s clearly in a lot o...
After peppering Dakota with condolences and concerns, the shorter balder of the adoptive uncles turned his attention to the lightly-singed Bobby, still in that folding chair, attempting to will e...
june 6 in idea barrages
The wookie god of wine is named Chewbacchus. She could’ve been the most successful deodorant in the world, if only she only would apply herself. If even Jesus Christ allowed Himself a break...
june 4 in idea barrages
I would love to see the Weinermobile towing the Plantersmobile and the idea is drivin’ me nuts. The shirt is the casing, we are the sausage. This is low-carb life. “Whatcha drinkin’ there? ...
june 2 in idea barrages
I would love if sex toy stores had ads on teevee with, like, Crazy Eddie style promotions. “I DOUBLE-DONG DARE YOU TO GET A BETTER DEAL!” If the Insane Clown Posse really wanted to find out h...
may 31 in idea barrages
Gotta ask ‘em all, Porque-mon! Lil Wayne implies the existence of the kaiju Giant Wayne, his best friend and protector. If you really need to yell something because you smashed your toe int...
may 29 in idea barrages
Okay, PENNYWORTH exists, sure, but where’s the grim and gritty prequel about the butler on THE FRESH PRINCE? Like he was Mi5 and had so much blood on his hands, The Crown had to hide him on the...
“Have you ever killed yourself?” Dakota just stared at him, wide-eyed, her very spine reflexively drawing her head further back from him. “I know it’s a weird thing to ask a stranger out loud, bu...
may 27 in idea barrages
It probably wouldn’t be that great of a cocktail taste-wise, but a “whiskey and cola” drink that’s Royal Crown and Crown Royal called “The Reflexive” would be fun as hell, conceptually. “Stea...
may 25 in idea barrages
A circus game called “Whaucamole” where the players have to try and smash rising and falling avocados with mallets and if they score high enough, they win guacamole. You, as the operator, get b...
may 23 in idea barrages
No, the WEIRDEST parody of all time would be of Fiona Apple’s “Criminal” that starts with the line “I’ve been a bad bad Terl / I’ve been reckless on a battlefield called Earth”. Domino rally ...
the little falls stewart's, june 1989 in poetry
we made our own make-my-own sundaes on perhaps ten thousand occasions over the breadth of my Adirondack childhood great heaping glops of caramel sauce even though we said “carmel sa...
may 21 in idea barrages
They’re just gonna keep trying to make Percy Jackson happen, aren’t they? “Until we have the rights to Harry Potter,” some executive says, briefly raising his head from the pile of cocaine, “we...
