Entries 5,131

Page 113 of 206

the problem with poems that rhyme done once you must then for all-time break out of the set rhyming scheme then all the words sound just obscene the change will drain you of your wit and al...

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1.) Thinking back upon my He-Man toys, it’s fascinating how even the guy with a skull for a face was built like if Jose Canseco ate Mark McGuire and then on top of that, all of The Ultimate Warri...

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1.) In this nightmare, I got hired for a job but no one would tell me what the job was, what to do, when or where to do it so I got fired. I think it was a metaphor for being alive. 2.) An elite ...

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1.) Dear Marvel, we demand a scene where Downey & Cumberbatch’s characters solve a problem together & Hiddleston quips “Aren’t you a couple of Sherlock Holmes?” Bonus points if Pratt says...

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1.) Your song about sex-starved dryads will be called “Knotty Girls Need Love Too”. 2.) Over a year later, I still can’t fathom how little one would have to care about their Hispanic, Muslim, fem...

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1.) The measure of the good you do is not what philosophy or motivation stands behind your action but rather simply that you did it. 2.) It becomes clearer that McDonalds’ slogan “Food Folks And ...

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1.) If you marry a conjoined twin, are you still their better half? Maybe just their better third? 2.) Whenever I see that old Batman where Alfred puts on the Bat-suit to help Bruce Wayne maintai...

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1.) If I was the pilot who sky-wrote his meat and potatoes up in the blue, I simply would’ve kept saying it was just a failed attempt at a cowboy hat. In 2017, the press is so credulous gullible,...

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Everyone talks a big game about the value of a home-cooked meal, he thought to himself as he drank his coffee alone in an almost-empty restaurant, unless they’re the one who has to cook it. When ...

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1.) Your pop-punk band that only writes songs about Star Wars will be called “Binks-182”. 2.) Your fan-fiction where instead of Locutus, the Borg turn Picard into their Borg Queen will be called ...

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The prickly pear received its name because its fruit, while thorny on the outside, contains a soft sweet fruit once you get beneath its well-protected skin. The people there who identify as Israe...

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It was difficult enough, as a newly faster-than-light humanity made contact with the extra-solar races, to figure out how to translate each of their written and spoken languages back and forth to...

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1.) If you were wondering what the worst dialogue writing in modern film history looked like, you’re in luck, TITANIC is returning to theatres for a week. 2.) The Confederacy making its last stan...

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1.) The day after Thanksgiving, don’t shop, just eat leftovers and read old MAD magazines and call it “Blech Friday”. 2.) Treadmill tonight: 1.2 miles in a half hour. Evening blood sugar: 88. (Th...

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1.) The Starbucks ad said “turkey stuffing panini” but there was not a single bird fixing sandwiches in the back. Just dumb ol’ people. Nothing exceptional about a person stuffing a panini. Had a...

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1.) If ever own a groundhog, I am sure as hell calling it “William S Burrows”. 2.) The sitcom about the Bushes shouldn’t have been called “That’s My Bush”, they went for the cheap sex joke when “...

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1.) If St. Louis’ hockey team is The Blues and New Orleans used to have The Jazz, when I buy the Brooklyn Nets, I’m renaming them The Twee Indie-Rock. 2.) The only reason that the military hasn’t...

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1.) Los Angeles taught me that if you must have heroes, at least have all your heroes be already dead so they can never do anything awful that’s new. Be your own hero if you can but if you can’t ...

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1.) In retrospect, maybe I should count my blessings that failed in Los Angeles when I was younger, all the moral quandaries I’d be indirectly connected to now had I “made it”. 2.) I will cop to ...

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1.) Don’t lend your winter clothes to Lou because there’s no parka Louis can’t lose. 2.) Less fragile masculinity, more agile humanity. 3.) Trying to force a cinematic universe is like starting a...

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don’t talk loudly during the open mic night don’t talk LOUDLY during the open mic night you can whisper if you want to you can chatter sotto voce we understand if you’re trying to get laid we un...

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She awoke as she did every weekday, three-fourteen in the morning, one minute before her alarm, just enough time to prepare herself and then commute. “Payroll at four,” she thought, “one more shi...

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1.) I thought I’d never meet a pun I didn’t like and then I found out there will be a terrible CGI childrens’ film called “Sherlock Gnomes” and, yep, a pun so terrible even I despise it. 2.) I’m ...

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three airplanes were taken down by a small army with box cutters fifteen years later they still won’t let us fly with toenail clippers on our person but get shot to death in a school ...

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1.) Three planes taken down with box cutters, we can’t fly with fingernail clippers 15 years later. But die by a gun and they just don’t care. 2.) I still say everyone in Genesis except Phil Coll...

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