Entries 5,131

Page 107 of 206

1.) If someone named Suzanne started a gluten-free bakery, it could be “Sue’s Pseudo-Dough” and Phil Collins would have to write its jingle. 2.) I’m sorry your parents were murdered after a scree...

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1.) Apathy is funda-MEH-tal. 2.) It seems like the monsters are the ones who always push a “when you fight monsters, you become them” narrative to try & stop you from fighting monsters. FIGHT...

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hatred and greed are not wired into the human condition it just seems like that because we recursively create that system when I was a little boy I thought the malls were always just there...

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you have no idea how much we wanted to follow that SUV until it stopped what with the dented-in bumper and all the Dave Matthews Band stickers on the back we just want to confront them and ...

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1.) I am reasonably certain that these Windows 10 updates don’t change anything, just prompt your computer to try and sell you on Microsoft Edge like no one in the world wants, yet again. 2.) Com...

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we can’t just keep on going over how the whole thing’s going under it’s been going around for far too long what we’ve all been going through with our income on the outs with the most concre...

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is there a patron saint of truckstops? does someone stand for the in-betweens protecting the liminal places both seen and those unseen who watched us at the crossroads other than the devil’...

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1.) It’s no coincidence the fake president rose to fame buying casinos with his inheritance & hosting sham gameshows. People like Trump or Putin or Hitler, they only win because they cheat, b...

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1.) I still say you could’ve cleaned up with a Scotland-themed tag-team of wrestlers called Natural Born Kilters. 2.) The rabbit hoped it could hide down in that hole forever but it was living on...

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My father met a lot of people for a man who never lived anywhere other than Little Falls. Dad possessed more than one lifetime’s worth of stories and he told the hell out of them. He assumed, for...

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1.) You could mash-up YOU’RE SO VAIN and YEAR OF THE CAT so seamlessly, you’d just think it was one or the other. 2.) There are probably better ways to promote your salon than advertising “perm s...

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1.) I love how the news is trying to scare folk like “Juuling!” is a new thing sweeping the nation. “ARE YOUR KIDS JUULING?” When it’s, like, a slightly stronger form of the vaping everyone’s bee...

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1.) They’re trying to say they’re alt-punctuation but we all know they’re just the same old grammar Nazis. 2.) I would give a show starring Mindy Kaling and Bjork called “Bjork and Mindy” a chanc...

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1.) You could do worse than rewriting classic rock into socialist manifestos and performing as Red Zeppelin, I s’pose. 2.) As long as Trump enforces the GOP leadership’s vulture capitalism disman...

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I tried raising some Cain but I was just unable tried raising racing horses but I ended up unstable tried rising dough in a warm kitchen but I couldn’t raise the bread ...

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1.) The good thing about chasing something with no monetary collectors’ value like VHS of Jerry Maguire is that you can go on a thrift binge, like today, and even if you don’t get anything else, ...

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1.) I want a David Lynch cookbook called “Fire Wok With Me”. 2.) How did it take me thirty-eight years to realize “Roadhouse Blues” and “Truckin” were the exact same song? 3.) If you don’t have a...

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She always called it a curse, even though it was all caused by a small benign tumor in her brain. She wondered aloud if she’d run afoul of Romani travelers or Vodou practitioners enough times to ...

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1.) I mean, sure, if I knew how to hack and mod video games, I would definitely make THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: THE MACARENA OF TIME but you can’t build up this much pun acuity while also learning how ...

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1.) Maybe the reason we haven’t met any aliens yet is that there’s a mass extinction at the point in every civilization once anti-vax psychotics start popping up en masse and we just haven’t tipp...

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1.) Is there a saint of the in-between places, of transitional states? Is there a saint of Limbo? Is there a saint for the truckstops? All I’m saying is, I’m not the most busy person these days, ...

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So much of my writing starts by mishearing something and then the misunderstanding turns out to be more interesting than the original intent. I’ve written more than four hundred parody songs, sit...

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1.) Half the problem is cowardly journalists covering a “president” with no democratic legitimacy as if he is actually the president. The emperor almost literally has no clothes. The minute telev...

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1.) The icicles on the trees, that’s just branch dressing. 2.) Always wonderful to be at an open mic instead of worrying about the Oscars. Washing out in L.A. had its benefits after all. 3.) Your...

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of course the dogs freak out when they see each other when you end up kidnapped by the giant aliens yourself when you’re kept by them as an amusement and companion you’ll ...

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