Entries 5,131

Page 104 of 206

1.) Elton John’s seafood restaurant should be called THE BISQUE IS BACK. 2.) You CAN explore other cultures as an influence in your own art but it takes a light touch. It’s called “cultural appro...

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1.) It’s not about how good you are at the beginning, in baseball or in life. They’re going to make adjustments to cancel out your strengths once they get a closer look at you. If and how you’re ...

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The machine did its job, for better and for worse, it froze me in 1998 and I woke up twenty years later. My closest family dead, my last relationship a shamble, a cryogenics experiment seemed a d...

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1.) Godzilla caught wind of the locovore movement and started to eat only trains. 2.) You don’t get to be a billionaire doing good things. Maybe you can get to be a billionaire while walling your...

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1.) Dear Richard Spencer lookin’ douchebag race-car driver in the Honda ad on SNY, if you have to tell us you’re a “famous race-car driver”, you aren’t a famous race-car driver. Oh, you may well ...

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In the development of the NSA’s dur-a-sim android series, as body doubles, spies and assassins when the use of a human agent was uncalled for, the sticking point near the end of the process was o...

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Henry David Thoreau wrote about the thrills of splendid isolation in the vastness of his New England wilderness in a cabin a mile-and-a-half from town, where he could walk back to the family home...

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I can’t wait forever. I can’t, wait forever! I can’t wait, Forever! I can’t wait forever. I can’t wait much longer I’m aching and lonely and broken inside I can’t wait much...

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1.) Professional wrestling is a series of conflicts… of interest! 2.) If you get together at a cafe to make fun of a charlatan who pretends to talk from the dead so as to exploit the grieving, yo...

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In east Hollywood, at the corner of Sunset and Gower, there’s a strip-mall called Gower Gulch. Not everything is glamorous there, of course, most of the people are just trying to get by, not tryi...

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1.) An Alanis parody built around the line “THERE’S A SHOPP-ING LIST IN MY POCKET AND IT’S WHAT I’M GONNA USE FOR MY LYRICS”. 2.) If your ear falls off, is that deaf leprosy? 3.) It’s a giant vir...

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When Andre Roussimoff’s eyes opened again, he was in the back of a truck in the fields of France, just like when he was young, even though even then he had not been small. He’d been Andre The Gia...

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“Dead skin flakes,” she exclaimed, out of nowhere, as she were shouting her last words from a nightmare upon waking, “the answer’s dead skin flakes!” “The answer to what?” “The answer to the end ...

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1.) We need Superman to show up to help the Mueller investigation so we can call this a Constitutional Crisis On Infinite Earths. 2.) She claimed she was working on her addiction to Beanie Babies...

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After five years as an alien abductee, I’ve a lot more sympathy for house-pets, I’ll give you that much for free. When I went months without seeing another person, just the big ugly things that w...

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1.) Oh, The Intercept, you Useful Idiot Putin-shills. “The lawsuit against Wikileaks is an attack on press freedom!” Jesusing Christ, you navel gazing ego-cases. It’s an attack on espionage takin...

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1.) Any rap song instantly becomes 80% more depressing if you change the reference from Hennessy cognac to Genesee beer. 2.) A DETAIL YOU WISHED WAS ADDED IN A STORY IS NOT A “plot hole”. IT IS A...

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1.) And, yes, all if you all knew King Crimson like you should, I would write a parody of “Happy Family” about how terrible Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison productions have become. Of course I would...

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Mother Tiresias Father Gilgamesh Sister Cassandra Brother Coyote Old Uncle Odin Dear Cousin Christ let’s transcend the myth-divide together wouldn’t it be nice?

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I’d rather do good than feel right I’d rather help the refugees here now than lead some past or future’s revolution I’d rather follow flawed people trying than have to fight the monst...

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1.) What did the toreador order at the espresso bar? Cafe OLE! 2.) Wasted away again in Bean Burritoville, looking for that… lost key to the john… 3.) Here’s something interesting: remember when ...

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1.) Here’s another parody I can’t write because almost no one would both know the song and get the cultural reference: a parody of King Crimson’s “Cat Food” about the video game Shaq-Fu. 2.) HOT ...

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They said it was the most humane way they had to “deal” with us but some days, I’m not so sure. I mean, I’m glad they didn’t kill me. I’m glad I’m not a guinea pig locked up in some laboratory so...

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lullabies and alibis we’re all just trying to get sleep at night alibis and lullabies can’t we just try to rest tired eyes drop our defenses lower the disguise short hellos a...

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When they announced they’d finally cracked universal translation technology, as had been predicted for decades in pulp science-fiction, near and far the whole Earth rejoiced. Finally, they said, ...

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