Entries 5,130

Page 102 of 206

“We could call the band The Cognitive Dissidents,” Ethan considered, “you know, like, a pun on the phrase Cognitive Dissonance?” “I know what cognitive dissonance is,” Julia acquiesced, “but don’...

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1.) If you’re only able to contact a palette-swapped copy of the ghost you’re trying to reach, you’re using a Luigi board. 2.) There are not enough jokes about how Indiana Jones’ given first name...

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1.) It is one of those terrible confluences that if you say “ICE” twice fast, it sounds like “SS”. 2.) In heaven, your every unrequited crush will tell you they dug you after all. In hell, your e...

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1.) I don’t know what a Star Wars musical would be like but I know it’d be called KYLO RENT. 2.) Winnie The Pooh rapping I LOOK FUNNY, BUT HEY, I ATE YOUR HONEY 3.) “It would behoove you to quit ...

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1.) If Noah is MCU Thor, Reyes is MCU Stan Lee: keeps showing up for cameos, long after he really shouldn’t be doing that anymore, leaving us all confused, embarrassed and vaguely ill at ease. 2....

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1.) She could not feign being at peace, she was absolutely chalant. 2.) Why is nothing old-fangled? 3.) Paul Bunyan. Big if true. 4.) HOT TAKE: Woody Allen was never that interesting, funny somet...

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1.) It was the most brutal drum majorette camp in the country, leading some to call those two weeks in July “the Baton Death March”. 2.) Trump is the Cousin Oliver of the American sitcom for godd...

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1.) Your hair insurance won’t cover a two-in-one shampoo, you have a pre-existing conditioner. 2.) If you get off on a pirate whispering to you, that’s ASMArrrrrrrr. 3.) Your musical about Chewba...

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we are… perennials we may get pushed down by the cruelty of a long winter but we will rise back up again when we cycle on around to May rise ...

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1.) Oh, by the by, if you rant about how millenials “want everything handed to them” & want to be “treated like they’re special just because they’re born” but you were gaga over the wedding o...

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Aren’t we all just on the run from a collection of ever-shifting ghosts within the mazes that are the insides of our minds? Aren’t we all just sprinting from one place to another, eating our grie...

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1.) If your brain is what makes you hot to the ladies, does that make you a thinkubus? 2.) This is probably not a great time to be a Norwegian named Hans Olo. 3.) Lots of people talk about how fo...

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1.) Another food hot take: the vinegar of ketchup actually cuts through the fattiness of fried mozz sticks better than marinara. 2.) The Nihilism Monster sings N IS FOR NOTHING, THAT’S ALL THAT T...

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1.) You do you but if you’re asking me if I’m gonna wake up early to watch a multi-million-dollar television extravaganza essentially celebrating that two pretty rich people I don’t know personal...

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If God’s like a genie in a lamp but you only get one wish, I certainly wasted mine early. It felt necessary at the time, but I was just a child, I didn’t know the life I’d have laid out for me, t...

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“I’ve been thinking,” her wife said, setting down her coffee. She wanted to quip back “that’s when the trouble starts”, but she respected that her love was the artist, she was the woman of scienc...

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1.) Prodigal man, prodigal man, birthright thrown in the garbage can, he’ll come back they’ll understand, prodigal man. 2.) Can we all agree to pretend that SHERLOCK GNOMES wasn’t a real movie, t...

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1.) “Meghan Markle” sounds like the girlfriend of a 5th rate Marvel hero. “Will Speedball’s secret identity ever be figured out by his girlfriend, reporter for the local Spectrum News cable chann...

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1.) Investing in fall-out shelter companies is just setting yourself up for failure. 2.) A word doctor can help you determine if you over-complicate your punctuation with a simple semicolonoscopy...

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gilgamesh the matador and I’m the bull of heaven enkidu picked up a sword he’s been rolling sevens history keeps changing up but myth is writ in stone and here I am anyway feeling all a...

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1.) You know how sometimes failing bands will come up with a “sequel” song to the narrative of their big hit? What about a prequel song? How about a new summer anthem called WHO LOCKED THE DOGS I...

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1.) YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANSON/YEAH, LIKE I STARRED IN “CHEERS” TODAY/YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANSON/YEAH, LIKE I STARRED IN “CHEERS” TODAY 2.) When I see bursts of red on an electoral map, I lik...

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1.) Maybe we could get the fake president to leave us all the hell alone if we just made him the real president of golf instead of the fake president of America. He spends more time on golf than ...

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1.) Only did a lack of imagination cause people to call it “Witness Protection” instead of “Disappearing Inc.” 2.) Doesn’t a “brand ambassador” sound like someone who burns a pattern into your fl...

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Nearly everyone remembers the scene in “Peter Pan” when his shadow tries to escape from its attachment then Wendy captures and manages to sew it back on, yes? Have you ever wondered why his shade...

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