Entries 5,130

Page 100 of 206

1.) Because you can never assume how someone identifies, I like to stick with the perhaps-outdated but gender-respectful plural “peeps”. Yeah, it’s from a time when “Bennifer” was still used unir...

---

1.) If you’re going to do a musical version of KING KONG, at least have the decency to call it APE MISBEHAVIN’. 2.) (Funko Pops are nerd Beanie Babies.) 3.) Watched the news until I couldn’t take...

---

Minnie Driver was six feet tall and on the set of “Good Will Hunting” Matt Damon had to stand atop three apple boxes just outside the camera’s frame, so he might appear taller than the female lea...

---

Whenever “Gilligan’s Island” comes up in conversation, invariably we’ll get around to the idea that if the Professor was so brilliant, why wasn’t he able to build a raft and get back to Hawaii? A...

---

There used to be a time when teevee stations would sign-off for the evening, one-thirty in the morning, after the late show, after Letterman or whatever. They’d run the National Anthem or a praye...

---

1.) Hope is wonderful, hope is the belief that the good things can happen but doubt, doubt is also be the belief that the bad things can yet be disproven, dismantled, torn down. Hope and doubt ar...

---

1.) A travel agency that specializes in political-activism tours called RADICAL DEPARTURES. 2.) An ad for an expectorant medicine that uses the New Radicals’ song “You Get What You Give” reworked...

---

Love is not always a straight line. Sometimes it is, sometimes it’s love at first sight, you walk into high school, you see the person in the locker next to yours and bam, fifty years later, you ...

---

1.) If you gathered enough hawk feathers, could you make a pillow filled with black hawk down? 2.) A variant on vaporwave where glam rock is slowed down and glitched out called “glum”. 3.) A film...

---

1.) Evil isn’t even the worst problem, at least in a vacuum. The evil of the handful wouldn’t be able to get very far without the apathy of the many. Apathy is the enabler that makes whatever evi...

---

there’s lead in the water madmen in the halls of power beggars in the streets outside those richmen’s fancy balls wars waged for their own sake with assurances the news is fake the roads...

---

1.) A head canon where Sluggo’s birthname is Simon Ritchie, he will eventually grow up to be Sid Vicious and NANCY is all one long prequel to the history of The Sex Pistols. 2.) One word misuse t...

---

everybody’s all like where’s Waldo, where’s Waldo why isn’t anyone ever asking how’s Waldo? how am I? you’re all looking for me but you’re all looking through me maybe that’s wh...

---

if there’s a message to our madness an annotation for our tone, it’s there’s too many opiates for the masses and we must be the methadone they’ll sell you mystics and statistics they’ll sell...

---

1.) We need a baseball acronym “gWAR” because it’d be the most metal statistic ever. 2.) “Twitter Survivor’s Guilt”: the newly-discovered emotion you feel when a celebrity you never heard of has ...

---

1.) The semi-colon is a comma comma comma comma chameleon. 2.) You will come to prominence in the art world under the pseudonym George O’Keeffe, painting flowers that pretty clearly are supposed ...

---

1.) An ad for mayonnaise, probably Hellmans, starring Alton Brown with the tagline “I Second That Emulsion” is probably the best idea that will never be used ever. 2.) A tumblr account fictionall...

---

She was beautiful, everyone around there was, that slightly sullen hiding how tired you are kind of beautiful you’d see in actresses and actors, beautiful like grocery-store produce kept ripe for...

---

There’s a million things to be said about picking up a semen analysis specimen as a medical courier, only a handful that could be shared in polite company. Most of the time, it was not as gross a...

---

The later in life that we succeed, the later we will collapse into success-sheltered self-parody, this is our artistic covenant. We are all better off without turning into DeNiro, taking every ro...

---

1.) Let us invent fake international soccer teams to pretend to root for when surrounded by soccer hipsters this World Cup. Brusseldorf FC. Shaumport United. Futbol Arzelea. 2.) In your present-d...

---

1.) Go to a Westboro Baptist Church rally, try to blend in at first and then bring up a sign that says “IT’S FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE, NOT LAWRENCE AND THE MACHINE”. Sometimes it’s just as fun to...

---

1.) Oh that Trump, up bright and early for a brisk walk, his morning unconstitutional. 2.) The cat has the fur colouration and the nimble hands of a skunk, the dog farts like a skunk spray, betwe...

---

1.) Whenever I see an ad for small engine repair, I imagine the Oompaloompas as the world’s most adorable mechanics. 2.) A rapping penguin called T-Peng. 3.) The fact that Kentucky Fried Chicken ...

---

I went to the K-Mart going-out-of-business sale to mourn an America that has now passed away, no less grotesque in its consumerism but certainly less invasive. An America past where at least the ...

---