Notes in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Note 1: I did not have sex last night. Honestly, I don’t want to confuse the issue any more than it already is. Because I still honestly think Martha hasn’t quite accepted or figured out the sincerity of my position. Like… even yesterday. Her class was cancelled. So she spent her day doing… stuff?? Not entirely sure what she did. But it was NOT “play with the dog” or “walk the dog”. And it wasn’t “empty the dishwasher” or “do laundry”. So… it was “continue to transcribe her school books word for word including recreating every picture in the textbook.

Note 2: So most of my last night was spent either playing with the dog who was desperate for attention, working on re-financing paperwork for my mortgage, or trying to relax for a minute in front of the t.v.

Note 3: I went to bed at 10:30 last night. AND STILL I slept through my alarm this morning. So… something needs to change. If I can’t wake my happy ass up before 8, that is a significant problem.

Note 4: When I got to work? SUPER BUSY day planned. Spent the first three hours drafting motions and filing. My schedule currently has the following as STILL TO DO
- Return Phone Calls (Return 6 phone calls)
- Develop Approach to Specific DV Case
- Magistrate Matrix Worksheet
- Send further information to Mortgage Planner
- Print W4 Form, fill out, and file
- Post Office to send Signed Legal Documents
- Book hotel room for August Anime Convention
- Discuss schedule conflict with boss about Summer Training Camp
- Heavily Focus on Preparing for the next Five Weeks as there are over 40 trials scheduled
- On way home, get cash to pay for Passport Photograph
- At Home: Do Laundry
- At Home: Clean Kitchen
- At Home: Make Dinner
- At Home: Take a long, hot bath to try to relax your body. HOPEFULLY that will help you wake up in the morning!

Note 5: I had the strangest, but easiest to decipher, dreams last night. First one? I was back in High School. It was graduation day and my dad was forcing me to attend. I was trying to explain to him that I don’t go to Graduation Day. I had graduated 8 years ago, got a BA and a JD… I was just attending some computer refresher courses to figure out the technological stuff I never knew. He argued that as I had completed my coursework, I was entitled to go to graduation. It became this big argument. Second one? I was back working at Best Buy. They had accepted me back because I needed money and wanted to learn the new tech. But it became this giant issue. Like… I was shadowing people to learn what had changed in my absence, and the managers kept yelling at me because “before you left, you were leadership. Leaders don’t shadow people!” Ultimately, I was placed in a position of Security/Greeter and told to simply stand in one place until they could figure out if they even wanted to keep me employed. Those dreams planted a thought in my head that continued as I was awake. Omaha was an amazing place. Where I lived I had access to a free workout facility, I was within walking distance to a good grocery store, a good comic book store, a tanning salon, a haircut place, and several fast food joints. And if I wanted something more than just “what I could walk to”, I could drive to Benson and do trivia competitions or drive to the Alamo to watch the latest movies (or even classic movies), or I could drive into town to see a number of concerts, or I could go see the symphony, or a play, or a sporting event… or I could go to the Zoo or see Lauritzen Gardens. And NOTHING was over a 40 minute drive away from my place. THAT WAS AWESOME! But… of course… when I lived in Omaha… that was some of the absolute WORST of it with Martha. So… I didn’t do those things. I stayed home and took care of Martha’s needs despite the fact that my own needs were going ignored… and despite the fact that Martha was never happy or even mildly content… simply lived off of the rage of hating her job and hating her life and hating everything about everything. AND… important to note… towards the end of our time in Omaha, I was getting very depressed. Besides just Martha’s bullshit, all of my friends got jobs and moved away… while I was working a dangerous, bullshit job in the jail. But… LIKE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE… it has become an “If I knew then what I know now” kind of thing. Like… if I had done Law School completely single? I would have gotten distracted by trying to date the attractive women in my law school. And that would have negatively affected my work in Law School. BUT could have created a better life in the future as both my S.O. and I would be similarly situated. Or at least… I could have enjoyed my time at law school with fun dates, sexual encounters, and passion. OR take it to another place: Omaha is big enough that, were I there and all of my friends moved away (as they did), I could find Board Game Groups, Anime Groups, Video Game Groups, Theater Groups, CosPlay Groups, Cinephile Groups… almost any kind of group that I am interested in!

As it is… that isn’t what happened. And while I still fondly think of Omaha as a place… it honestly isn’t like I can just pick up and move back there. I don’t want to go back to Corporate Law. I don’t want to start at the very bottom of the Legal Job Food Chain. I don’t want to move out there and NOT BE ABLE TO PRACTICE LAW (a real concern as I am licensed by the state). So… while I wistfully think of Omaha today, I also embrace that it isn’t a current option.

Ah well. I need to get back to returning phone calls. Ugh. How I loathe returning phone calls.