behold the fashionista, at war with her ensemble in shiny things

I've gotten into a very bad habit of wearing the same clothes to work all the time. Mostly because I've managed to gain like ten pounds so NOTHING FITS, dammit, and I'm certainly not going to go out and buy bigger clothes. So I'm pretty much limited to a pair of black jeans that are verging on too tight but are not quite there yet, a pair of grey jeans (with sparkly back pockets! And weirdly, they're kind of too big so are always sliding down uncomfortably and potentially dangerously if I do things like, oh, lean over to get something out of my car. Or pick up something out of the floor. Or move at all), and a pair of dark blue jeans that are really not appropriate for Not-Casual-Friday but fortunately nobody really cares. So I'll rotate those around Monday-Thursday, and on Casual Friday I'll wear actual not-remotely-dressy blue jeans.

I've also got this weird pair of stretchy strangely-colored, kind-of-brown, kind-of-reddish pants that I pull out once in awhile. They are on the tight side too (SIGH) but only in the waist so look okay, but aren't that comfortable. And I am all about comfortable, so I only resort to them when I'm so sick of the usual rotation that I'm ready to set fire to my closet. Like today. (Yes, losing those annoying ten pounds would be a much better option than The Clothing Wars and looking like a hobo, but I am far too busy lying around on the couch stuffing my face, drinking beer, and avoiding exercise at all cost for that. Thanks so much.)

SO. I decided that today I would try to not look so scroungy and homeless, and I'd wear the weirdly-colored, not-comfortable but decent looking pants. And this shirt that my MIL gave me awhile back. This shirt that's ... unusual. Unfortunately I can't really decide if it's unusual in a good way or unusual in a Crazy Lady way. It's dark red, resembles a sweatshirt in fabric and feel, but has these... ornaments... down the front. Three decorative metal interlocking clasp things.

Okay, okay. I will share my look. I really don't know why I am glaring, but it may be because I'm afraid I look like a hostess in a Chinese restaurant.

So, there you go. I debated but ended up wearing it anyhow (I even asked Baker B's opinion - "Crazy or not crazy?" and he voted for not that crazy. After expressing amazement that I was desperate enough to ask HIS opinion on my wardrobe choices.)

But that's not even the best part!!! Or the really REALLY crazy part!

I also decided, in keeping with the slightly elevated fashion choice, to wear some boots that I never ever wear. I don't know why I don't wear them, other than they never seem to go with anything else I'm wearing. Like hobo-clothes. So (running late of course) I grab the boots and pull them on and take one quick glance in the mirror to make sure they look okay with the pants, which are a tad on the short side. They looked passable, so off I went.

Walking to the car, I found myself thinking that I really REALLY need to wear heels more often, as I seemed to be having an inordinate amount of trouble walking in them. And they are LOW heels, like an inch and a half tops. Which seemed strange, but, whatever! I was late!!

Walking to the office from my car, I thought, "This is pathetic!!! I can't believe how uncomfortable I am walking in these teeny little heels!! What is wrong with me?? Have I become such a fashion disaster that I can't walk in anything but SNEAKERS???"

Going up the stairs was even worse, and walking down the hallway to the office I feared like I looked drunk, stumbling along like a six year old in stilettos.

And then I looked down at my feet. I really should have done that earlier.

Like before I left the house. (Apparently I only looked at one of them in the mirror).

I was wearing Two.Different.Boots.

They were very similar in color! But one was a boxy toe and one was a pointy toe, and, what certainly should have been the dead giveaway WAY before it was, the Wrong Boot's heel was TWICE the height of the Right Boot's heel.

YES. There was a very good reason why I was having problems walking, and it wasn't just my lack of practice wearing heels. On the plus side, my workmates were highly amused, which is always nice first thing on a Monday morning. As I had to turn around and hobble right back home and exchange one Wrong Boot for two Right Boots.

This is exactly why I never ever dress up.