Dreams As Lessons in meh...

I dreamt about Him, well he was in my dream. I dreamt about something else.

In my dream, my cousin and her friend came to our old house where we grew up. He came to see me, dropping by, I don’t remember the occasion. The whole time, my cousin was flirting with him. I called her on it gently a couple times, but each time she started up again, it would be even more aggressive and relentless. I ended up screaming at her and she acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about. Her friend agreed with me and I was really close to fighting my cousin. Then my my sister Tippy walks in. She has on this green church suit with Jean’s underneath and this sheer, black top that looked like a stocking. She and I were discussing a church function we were supposed to be going to, and she sat down and that’s when I noticed her shirt…and her nipples. I covered her up and Him asked her if she was going to put those away. I laughed but I was uneasy. Then I decided that I was going to the church function, but not before we had a conversation. I told him follow me.

We went on the porch and before I could say anything, he launched into how he was sorry and he wasn’t good at paying attention when things get out of line and he would try to do better. I held up my hand and said, “I expect that from you, because you always do it. This was on her this time.”

The fact of the matter is that I am indeed insecure when it comes to this. I have a problem of feeling like I’m never enough for anyone. When my partner at the time seems to be openly flirting with someone, I’ve been forced to swallow that because to confront it, I’m met with, “I’m just being nice” or “stop being insecure”. Thing is, if I wasn’t in the room, would you exchange numbers? It doesn’t help that during the exchange, at least Him does this, he has this look like he is mentally bending someone over and it drives me nuts. Other guys are sneakier about it.

I don’t like feeling this way. This is one major reason why I don’t think, if I ever had a shot with Him, we would work. He noted my unconditional love for him and I have to say that yes, this is sincerely unconditional love because I see you as you are and know what you’re prone to do, but I’m not going to just let you run over me and continue to hurt me. I also have to love myself in this.

So…yeah. This.

Kindest regards,
Sister