Saturday Strategy in Current Events

I laid in bed until around 12:30 today. I am tired of waking up tired. I know that this is the meds. While I was laying there I was thinking about all of the things I am not doing because of my anxiety. All of the things that I don’t have because of my depression. Absolutely everything that I want in life is just one choice away. All that I need to do is decide and then set my intentions toward it. It’s that simple… it just doesn’t feel easy. I need to clean up my mind and go one choice at a time. I always feel like I am biting off more than I can chew. I think too big.

I have no intentions today. As always. I’m working on that. My roommates are leaving town today and I’m going to have this space to myself. What I want to do is put on some throwback and clean this entire house. Usually, I day drink while I do that. I’m alcohol-free now. I’ll still have fun. Cleaning is fun for me yes lol. I’m going to apply at a cleaning company this weekend actually. My throwback will probably be Avril and Backstreet Boys. I like it to be fun.

I managed to stay away from porn yesterday and the blog sites I go to that objectify men. Having the house to myself will really challenge that today. Russel really made the one day at a time sink in for me. It makes my choices feel smaller and easier. I finally got my Beyond Meat burger and curly fries yesterday. As I was eating it I was thinking about this question that people ask me. Is it hard to go vegan? It’s really just one choice at a time but I remember how overwhelming and big this all was when I started. A lot of the changes that I want to make in my life feel huge and overwhelming but it’s really just one choice at a time.

Anyway, it’s Saturday and I will have the place to myself. I would walk around naked if it wasn’t winter over here lol. I’ll work out, clean house and maybe have a selfie sesh. I don’t have socials but I like to take selfies for myself anyway. I am SO weird! I’m trying to learn how to love my body. I mean, I do! I just have a weird relationship with it and I need to become fully comfortable in my own skin and love myself unconditionally. Russel says that we are afraid to live with ourselves. We don’t want to let go of our attachments and behaviours and addictions because then we will be left to face ourselves. It’s a big and heavy thing to say but I feel that he is right. I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I don’t think I even looked at my face once all year. I just look at what I need to and then I get out of there! lol. I look at the rest of my body though, I like that much. I hate my face so much. I know that Russel means that to me more than skin deep. Anyways, ta!