It Has To Be Over in meh...

After class last night, my dad asked me to come to his house. My little brother was there, and asked me to drop him off where ever he was going. Wherever he was going, as usual, turned out to be north county, polar opposite of where I live.

I started to be bothered, but something came to me. Something of a a revelation.

North County holds memories for me. Friendships, good times with friends, Him memories…and I think God is telling me it’s time to put all of that behind me. I was telling a friend that I don’t go to the north side, city or county/suburbs, unless I have to. By having to and confronting and seeing it, I have to say goodbye to all that. Say goodbye to the things within those memories. I’m not getting those back. I’m not getting Him back. And I’m ok. Letting Him go was hard. Him getting married shattered me, but, as Eddie Vetter sang, “I’m still alive…”

While I do love and miss him, intellectually, I know no good will come from this. When we had a chance to have one final rendezvous, like a real one, I declined because it wasn’t fair to me because I still loved him. I always will love him, like my first lover, but it’s time to stop playing. I keep saying I’m trying to live a right life, but harboring this stuff like, I’ll be done once I see where this is going. It doesn’t work like that.

He lies in bed next to his wife every night while I have grandson toenail sticking me in the calfs. LOL I know couples can be unhappy and still together, but I’m not falling for that.

At any rate, I’m probably going to ruminate over this all day. I have homework to do from all these classes due next week.

Wow. Today is just Tuesday. LOL

Be great today family.
If you feel no one else does, I love you.

Kindest regards,
Sister