Steps in Current Events

Well done you. You became an addict. You found a way out and a way to deal with your feelings. Russel Brand does feel that we need to applaud ourselves for trying to find ways to cope. We are all programmed. We are made up of biochemistry and memories. We are all in a culture that does not love us. It’s easy to identify substance and sex addictions but Russel is using this program to tackle the more subtle things. He recognizes that changing behaviours can be just as painful as addictions. I don’t want to find out for myself so I will just take his word on that.

Step 1: Are you fucked? Yes. I do have attachments to behaviours and beliefs that make my life unmanageable.

Step2: Could you not be fucked? Yes. It is possible for me to become unfucked. Step two of Russel’s workshop is about opening up to a higher power. A higher self. To God or oneness. To the unseen, the world of emotion. The world within us. We are all trying to be something and we have to open up to something greater than ourselves so that we can restore ourselves to sanity. To recover who want to become. He’s not talking about a diety he is talking about having hope that you can you become a better version of you. We attach ourselves to things so we don’t have to face… ourselves. We can’t bare ourselves so we look outward for things that make us feel good. It’s only human but I’m finally ready to attach myself to truth.

Step 3: Are you, on your own, going to unfuck yourself? No. I’m trying to create change using methods that created this life. This is where most people tap out because they don’t want to change. So what’s the plan? Keep using sex, drugs, food etc to create psychological conditions that you can deal with? Those external things feel good until they don’t. This is when we have to open ourselves to the possibility that deep down we might believe that we can control the universe. It is a mistake to believe that we can control things. That mistake leads to discomfort and conflict. We get stuck living in a constant state of expectation when reality happens outside of our will. I have to ask for help here. I have to let go of this idea that I have control and I need to become willing to change. My outside world is a problem because my inside world is a problem. I need to do things that I’m not doing and think things that I am not t thinking. I have to become teachable.

I honestly think that I have been stuck in step three. I’m not asking for help, I think that is the component I am missing here. I’m trying to do this on my own. I need to find somebody further down this path to help me. That would be Bev. Then I need to continue to turn around and help others. To become of service. Basically, I have to create a culture all for myself. I have been letting go of a lot of things that were a part of my identity. The self is an event, it is not an object. It is a continual kinetic potential. I like that he worded it that way. I will always be changing, I will always have to be working on this. One day at a time sort of thing. A caterpillar inside of its cacoon turns into a liquid. It is completely destroyed before it becomes a butterfly. This is a destructive process becoming aware. From being unconscious to conscious. This will always be work, staying awake I mean.

I have steps 4 & 5 next and those are going to be the actual work. Taking inventory of all of the things that are fucking me up and then sharing that with somebody trustworthy. I only have twelve hours left before this program is no longer free… so I crimed lol. I also actually finished Mel Robbin’s audiobook about fear. I’ll write about that another day. It just feels relevant right now though because I have three missed calls and one is from the bulk food store I applied to last month. I feel a lot of dread and fear for no good reason. This should be good news. All I need is a chance to have an interview and the job is as good as mine. My interview skills are the only thing that I am confident about. Blah, I’ll go return those calls and then continue with this course. Which is just about installing a new program for myself. One that works for me and creates fulfillment and oneness. To create a culture for myself that loves me. I guess?

Last updated January 23, 2020