Twitter-Sized in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

I hope it doesn’t sound too terrible to say that I’m feeling nervous. Talking about the separation? Lots of nerves. Discussing it with the family? Lots of tears. The last three months, though, have been fairly peaceful. SHIT we even had sex five times in the last three months!!! That is more times in three months than we had in 5 years. But sex and even just… politely living together… that’s still a roommate situation. A marriage involves communication, love, respect, trust, intimacy, connection. Martha is still a woman who would be entirely content to spend every day watching television and YouTube as I sat in the couch in silence. That (it seems) would be her ideal relationship. That’s… not what I want a marriage to mean. “Someone to watch TV with” seems like a damned low bar when deciding on what “marriage” should mean.

So… again… I don’t doubt the actions I’m taking. But I am still quite nervous. And as much as I don’t doubt the actions I’m taking… I confess that I do doubt their ultimate end. Venturing out to find something more meaningful?? I can’t even find people who don’t fall into one of the three Idiocy Camps (Anti-Vax, Flat Earther, Trump Supporter). If I can’t find an abundance of people who care about intelligence and genuine enlightenment… let’s just say I’m not holding my breath.