Men are pricks. in The day to day

Ok, maybe not all men are pricks. But my husband is for sure.

So I know I haven’t mentioned why we are possibly splitting up. He has been chatting with another woman for a couple of months apparently. This is a person I have met as my husband and I both play Pokemon Go. She does also. We’ve chatted and been friendly. She’s met our kids. Well on Christmas Day, we get home from being at my family’s house and as we are pulling in the driveway he says he wants to go do a Pokemon Raid. (I realize if you don’t play Pokemon Go you won’t understand, but it’s not important) I told him I’d like to come too. He proceeded to say, “Sometimes I just want to go do things by myself.” Which I understand everyone sometimes needs their space. But on Christmas Day? My spidey senses tingled and I knew something was up. We ended up going to the raid. And only one person was there. He was like, “Oh I thought more people were going to be here.” She sat and talked for a couple of minutes and then left abruptly. Again my spidey senses tingled.

I confronted him and he proceeded to say they were just friends etc. Well then New Years Eve came and he was chatting way too much on his phone while we were at my family’s again. He tells me later that on New Year’s Day he’s going to go hang out with his friend for a little while. I proceed to try and be congenial and understanding. I don’t want to seem like a giant bitch. Then he leaves and is gone for SIX FUCKING HOURS.

He ends up telling me in the next few days that he wants to separate. But that it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with something being wrong with him. He tells me he loves me and the kids. That none of us have done anything wrong. It’s purely that he doesn’t know what he wants and why he’s doing the things he’s doing. He leaves on Sunday the 5th and stays in a hotel for a week just to see how things go. I try and give him his space. I have encouraged him to get counseling for himself. Just for reference, we did marriage counseling about 2 years ago when he was chatting with a coworker. We did it for four months before stopping because he didn’t like being the bad guy all the time in the sessions. Plus our son needed some help and he took priority. We were in a better place after counseling and I thought we were doing a lot better.

He came home on the 12th. We had a long talk about divorce and separating and how we would split everything up if it headed that way. I still had a glimmer of hope that things might work out. I kept encouraging him to get counseling set up. He had his first session on Tuesday. I have tried to encourage him to not start any kind of relationship if this is truly about him and not another woman. Especially since that woman is just now getting a divorce from an abusive husband with her two young children. He doesn’t even like kids! He loves his own but not other kids.

Sorry going off on a tangent here. Back on topic…We have been physical since he’s been back here. I keep trying to show him what he will be missing if he is gone. Not just with sex but everything else too. I feel like it’s kind of going in one ear and out the other. I am pretty sure he wants his cake and eat it too. And I am not going to go for it.

Wednesday, he takes our son to Scouts. Wednesday is also a big Pokemon Go day. He usually leaves early to take our son to Scouts and does Pokemon GO around first. I had told him previously I didn’t want our kids around this other woman at all right now. Not until we are for sure we are separating and even then not for another 6 months into them dating. He thinks because he’s only “friends” with her right now that he can have them around her. So he asked my son if a friend could join them. So my son says yes. Later that night my 12 year old is upset and crying on me telling me that he has to tell me something but he’s afraid it will upset me. He finally agrees to write it out on my phone. It said, “I think Dad got K pregnant.” I was LIVID. I had to keep it cool for my son because I told him I would be okay.

I confronted my husband and he told me that he thought it would be okay for her to be there because he told my son she was just a friend. I then showed him what our son had written and he was completely dumbfounded. He didn’t even know our son had seen the pregnancy test she had with her. I told him that was exactly why I didn’t want our sons around her or anyone else he may end up dating for at least 6 months. This was all too new to them. He says the pregnancy test was for her sister that doesn’t drive. She picked it up for her and had other things she had bought at Walgreens too. I think he felt like an idiot for having that happen with our 12 year old in the car. Just because he’s 12 doesn’t mean he doesn’t comprehend what is going on between them.

Skip to tonight. He’s staying the night with her. Told me he won’t press for anything sexual to happen between them. I already told him that if they have sex then it was definitely over for us. On top of that I checked his email, because I can’t snoop on his Facebook anymore. He logged out on his computer and I don’t know his password. I don’t really care about anyone’s opinion on snooping because I wouldn’t snoop if I didn’t have a reason to. If I thought he was being completely truthful about everything I wouldn’t. But he’s not, so I have to know so I can move foward. Back to his email, I checked it and saw and email from Ihatestevensinger.com. He had placed an order from there. I opened it and saw he ordered a $90 rose dipped in gold. The same fucking rose he bought for me a few years ago. And it’s definitely for her because her name was on the order for it to be shipped to.

My best friend told me I should tag him in a photo of mine on Facebook in a few days just so she knows she’s not special with his gift giving. Everything from tonight is just the final straw. I will be contacting Legal Aid on Monday to see if they can help me secure a divorce attorney. I need him gone. I can’t do this. It’s not fair to me or the kids. It needs to be done. I added up all the expenses the other day and I think I will be okay if the child support calculator on the state website is correct. It would be nice to get a little alimony as well. We shall see. I don’t want to take him to the ringer but I deserve to be able to support myself and the kids.

I am glad I am able to come on here and get all this out. It definitely helps me process everything to get my feelings out in words. Talking to my best friend helps too. And that she’s angry for me. And so is her husband. I just have to keep telling myself that none of this is my choosing. I haven’t done anything to deserve to be treated this way. And I know that one day he will regret his decision, but it will be too little too late.