Imposter in Current Events

I can’t get my energy up. I can barely peel myself off the couch. My head feels like it is stoned all of the time. It doesn’t hurt, it feels good, to be honest, but it’s a bit disturbing because I am used to the opposite experience. I’ll discuss this with my doctor. I suspect that it might be my nutrition. I have not been eating well. I went one week just living off of pasta. I need to variate and I know that. I made my lemon rice and chickpea curry yesterday. I’m going to the store to get some groceries and I’m going to actually meal prep today. I’ll push through this low energy. I’ll be honest, there are a few days where I only ate one meal. I’m telling myself that I am “intermittent fasting” but I know that I am just starving myself because it feels good. I’ll discuss that with my doctor also. I don’t know if all of this is because of the medication he gave me? Not that I like to blame things. Like right now, I feel drunk but I’m just drinking my morning coffee.

I attempted to exercise a bit yesterday. Well, I did succeed but I burned out so quickly. I cancelled my dinner plans with Toni. She ended up calling me later in the evening to talk about her anxiety. I made her feel better and now she has a plan to gain control of it. Hetal called me yesterday too. She called me to cry but I had her laughing the whole time. She too is going to work on her anxiety. I did not get a lot of attention yesterday which was perfectly fine. I didn’t feel entitled to anything special just because it was my birthday. I’m not on FB so nobody got the notification that it was my birthday lol. I’ll go out for dinner with Leanne tonight. I know that she misses me. We used to text almost everyday and that changed. I changed. I know she wanted me to try and get everyone together but I don’t want to. It’s weird for me because everybody identifies me as somebody I don’t feel that I am anymore. I feel like a stranger. An imposter?

My mother gave me a birthday card that I hadn’t opened yet. I know that there is money in there. I don’t know how much but I might use it to get a haircut. I also need to get new razor cartridges. My financial situation is desperate. I need to act desperate. I’m not focused at all one bit. Frig. I should go panic now.