Morning in ❅journal 2019❅

I still feel bad about last night, I’m hoping I can cheer myself up by eating some food. Though the thought of doing so makes me feel sick to my stomach and mouth taste funny. I don’t know, I’ve just been writing requests and thinking about daddy…

He must have been so dissapointed in me 😞 I feel like I can’t do anything right. like, why do I have to be such a baby about it. I’m sixteen, I should be able to do this stuff so why can’t I? I feel sick. I just. was scared of what could happen and I feel so guilty, he’s going to wake up and think of last night immediately…

I can’t do anything right, I feel uncomfortable with it but he’s gonna wanna do it and everyone’s acting like it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a video call…but it’s always going to lead to more. And more. And more…my stomach is hurting so bad I’m so nervous. I shouldn’t be uncomfortable with it, it’s not a big deal but I am I really am…