Fifteen Seconds in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Just a quick nothing entry for the day.

Turns out, I’ll likely have a jury trial in approximately 11 days. But maybe I won’t. I don’t know yet. This is… the thing about The Law on my side of the fence. Why do I get super stressed and then super apathetic? Because that’s how the law works. Essentially…

Long days of nothing but people complaining because I’m upholding the law are the norm.
Periodically broken up by a few weeks of INSANE OH MY GOD THERE IS NO FUCKING TIME! trial preparation. Occasionally, there are meetings or depositions or paperwork.

And yeah… the long days of nothing but people complaining because I’m upholding the law… are emotionally draining. Because they run at direct position to everything I fundamentally stand for. I’m not necessarily Lawful Good… I still consider myself more Chaotic Good because I have my own code and don’t simply blindly ascribe to whatever the official law states. So… yeah… if, for example, I’m prosecuting a Marijuana Case? I’m not one of those guys that says, “This is your sixth time with a joint this year; you’re doing hard time for this!” No. I have friends and family that would then be required to do hard time for what they smoke in a few days. NOW… it is still MY JOB and my personal code requires that I do my job “with skill, professionalism, and wisdom.” So I’m not just going to ignore the fact that marijuana possession is illegal in Iowa. But… I’m going to charge the kid a small fine and send him home. Traffic Ticket Marijuana Possession like New York and Nebraska… not Iowa’s potential for weeks to years in jail. THAT BEING SAID… returning to the original point… “the long days of nothing but people complaining because I’m upholding the law… are emotionally draining. Because they run at direct position to everything I fundamentally stand for.” Because that is my issue. When you spend your life following only your id… and/or refusing to consider the consequences of your actions… and/or caring nothing at all about other people for any reason… buddy, you just rung my bell.
It used to be “ignorance in general” that riled me up: A 34 year old man handing me a letter saying “Kan eye pleese youse the law libary?” would send me around the bend. You’re an adult in one of the most literate countries in the world… we’re literally offering you assistance so that you can improve your intelligence and education so as not to return to jail upon release… instead of coming to the law “libary” to see if you can prove that your lawyer is an idiot.... use the “Adult Education Programs” to see if you can become something other than an idiot.
Now while that still irks me… I don’t get nearly as riled up or personally upset by it. IF another person’s life choices or circumstances have resulted in them giving up on themselves, refusing assistance, or remaining where they are… AND that individual does not harm anyone else? Fuck it, I don’t care as much anymore.
Now… actions that directly harm others and are borne of fear, ignorance, stupidity, greed, selfishness… that kind of thing… THOSE grab me by the intellect and emotions and create the ire, rage, and emotional Vesuvius. And even those are a spectrum. If you speed and pay the damned ticket; we’re cool. You acted in a manner that could be considered unsafe or result in an accident resulting in loss of life, personal injury, or damage to property. However, you paid the legally mandated “fee” for such an action. I see that as simply The Price of Doing Business. Considering the deer population around here.... even driving the speed limit can and will result in loss of life, personal injury, or damage to property. But… if you speed and bitch about paying the ticket? COME. ON. This isn’t news. This isn’t a surprise. This isn’t “unfair.” This is you… choosing to do something… knowing it was in violation of the law… but making a (somewhat) calculated decision to violate that law. You may have violated that law in small ways or big ways MANY times before without getting a ticket. The fact that you got caught this time does NOT mean there is an injustice “because you were never stopped before.” It simply means that, in the turn of the Wheel of Fate, this time your number came up and you have to take responsibility. And that’s the low level bullshit. Don’t even get me started on things where it is more: You literally physically assaulted this person, blood coming out of them, blood on the knife in your hand… anything other than a defense of Self Defense is going to make me EXTREMELY upset with you.

So.... yeah. That’s what I’m dealing with I guess. Impacted, obviously, by the Home Situation. Going home to Martha being there and actually cleaning some of the house and walking Nala… at least until her schooling starts back up. That sends weird messages to me. That she can take care of the house and dog. But, of course, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was whether her ability to care about things extended beyond her/her space. So… I’m still seeing the benefits of her presence while being reminded of why we’re separating. Which then makes me think about the Separation and the Already Set In of Semi-Depression from Dating Apps. Swipe right on anyone who meets the “Maybe could be interesting to talk to” standard… not even rising to the “Yes, I am interested in talking to this person” standard. And not a single “matched” swipe. Simply… makes me feel like… maybe any form of “compatibility” honestly is too much to ask for. Martha didn’t actively care about me, didn’t show much sign of interest, almost incapable of affection… but we could have a conversation? We could make each other laugh? We have a shared history?

So… that’s where I am emotionally. Personal Life… Work Life… in social life? DnD Group coming over on the 9th. Visiting MBFITWW on the 17th. So… at least a few things. I do have to say… I hope I can discover, build, or buy a social life before next New Year. I assume I’ll still have this job (maybe I shouldn’t but I’m in a good place, career-wise)… and we always get January 1st as a PTO day. January 1st, 2021 is a Friday. Provided I am in the mood to do so, have the ability to do so, and have the connections to do so… that could mean a very long New Year’s Eve Party indeed!

But then… that is just fantasy. I’ve honestly never known how to make my fantasies and dreams into reality. The closest I have ever come was deciding I wanted to be a Prosecutor and actually achieving that. But that is less of a Dream or Fantasy and more a “Career Planning”. Something like “An amazing, fun, and refreshing trip to Ireland” is more like a dream or fantasy. And that one isn’t even that hard conceptually. And, frankly, that is already part of what 2020 is about for me.

Some dreams I’m trying to learn how to make into reality?
Mustering the courage to ACTUALLY do a proper cosplay IF I AM EVEN SEMI-CAPABLE of it. Of the four of these, I will go as one of them to Anime Iowa… even if I look ridiculous:

Other thing? It still might not happen but… in the spirit of Trip to Ireland is Trip to Japan. And MBFITWW and I are giving serious thought to this trip. So… I at least hope to or plan to start maybe trying to learn a little bit more of how to make my fantasies and dreams into reality… maybe.

Single Character- no mashup/genderbent

Favorite Video Game Female Cosplay Characters (in no particular order)
- Tifa Lockheart
- Ada Wong
- Chun Li

Favorite Anime Female Cosplay Characters (in no particular order)
- Faye Valentine
- Sailor Mars
- Maboromicamie

Favorite DC Comics Female Cosplay Characters (in no particular order)
- Raven
- Zatanna
- Black Canary

Favorite Marvel Comics Female Cosplay Characters (in no particular order)
- Psylocke
- Rogue
- Scarlet Witch (Old Avengers Outfit)

I wasn’t going to share ALL of this but… then I saw what Athenapedia said and had to admit… I had honestly been saying that exact thing moments before. The list got me. Since the lost got me, I am obligated to share.

Behold! The 13 gods and goddesses of the Internet Pantheon according to College Humor