Rude Awakening in Current Events

I just had a rude awakening. First of all, I apparently needed 11 hours of sleep. I was running on three hours of sleep yesterday. I had a migraine all day. I don’t know if that was the meds or leftover congestion from the flu I’m getting over. I still have a bit of a headache actually. Anyway, somebody came to read the gas meter this morning which happens to be beside my bed. I don’t sleep with clothes on. Within minutes everybody is in my room, it was a situation. It was kind of funny.

I can’t seem to get my energy up. Dysthymia depression is fun that way. I’ll find a way to get excited about life again though. Next time that I see my doctor I will talk about upping the dosage on my meds. It’s just a baby dose as I was scared to start them. Anyway, it’s like, I threw my resume around and now I have to sit and wait. So then I got myself absolutely addicted to Skyrim. I had that flu and I like being sick because I get to be lazy guilt-free and damn, I can see why gamers love gaming. I have a pile of games that Roarke gave me back in 2012. Skyrim was one of them. I’m really starting to get into this genre, whatever it is called. The Witcher was released on Netflix and I have been waiting for it. What is that genre even called? I’ll be obsessed with dragons and larping in no time lol.

That list I have been working on, my “resolutions” as it were, I thought that it would make me feel better and it immediately didn’t. I don’t know what I feel, to be honest. I’m so numb. I’m visiting with my mother later today. I am aiming to fill her in on what is going on with me. I really don’t want to do that though. Absolutely everybody is pumped for Christmas and I don’t want to make anybody worry about me. I have three tiny self-care packages that I can assemble for Christmas gifts for my sisters and my mother but like, they’re not “self-care” people. I honestly want to keep all of those products for myself lol. So then I need to start Christmas shopping with money I can’t afford to spend. Credit I can’t afford to spend technically. So basically, I have to explain my situation to everybody so they can understand why I am showing up empty-handed or quickly grab a few things this weekend so that I can continue to pretend that I’m financially secure. The truth is simple, the lie is complicated.

Anyway, I should get a start on my day. ta