December 10th, 2019 in Letters to my love

December 10th, Tuesday, 2019

It’s rainy outside today Isaac, a real wet feel in the air. I woke up today not ready for school and not ready to start another day of unless aching. I made sure to eat breakfast even though you said I could skip it.

I have a picture I never sent to you. It’s of yesterday’s lunch. Papa John’s pizza, with orange juice. I was excited to see we had that at school and ate every bite. Of course, the picture I took was right before I started eating.

It feels cold now, knowing you’re gone. I know I can imagine you still here with me, but will it even feel real? Should I…even try to go on without you? This feels like a fairytale, a romance book. The two lovers torn apart at a young age and never able to see one another again.

I always made fun of those books, I never told you that. But now that it’s reality I feel so icky and horrific inside. Every message, I keep checking to see if it’s you. I keep thinking maybe there’s a chance. But it isn’t and I cry a bit more. But I still have to write, I still have to talk about you. I still have to update you on my day and make you smile. Even one if it’s all in my head.