Dec. 12th 2019 in Hello

I was asked (moreso told) to work Friday night/Saturday morning. Yeah it’s OT and I need the cash but I had plans Saturday. Gift shop for my brother and SIL, go to the flea market, pizza dinner while decorating the tree. I’ll just force myself to stay up I guess. Done it before won’t be the last.

I listened to a bunch of self help alcoholic stuff on YouTube tonight. Busted out a piece of paper and made up a list of why I feel the need to drink, benefits of quitting, suggestions for when a craving hits, a few questions as to what’s bothering me to urge me to drink and lastly an inspirational, “You got this,” quote. Gonna keep it in my wallet and use it when I feel the need.

Step in the right direction I think.

2:16 PM

Still awake. Was tired but got a bit hungry so ordered a pizza. I took two Aleve PM’s ‘cause while I do want sleep my right knee hurts a bit. At least I’ll have left over Marco’s tonight for lunch.

I’m actually not in bed but on the couch with the TV on. Just chilling waiting on the pills to kick in. Could go read some more but my eyes hurt a bit. Yeah yeah I shouldn’t be typing this up but whatever.

Tonight, if I can, I’m going to continue with more of the self help videos. There are at least two from Dr. Fox I want to listen to again and make up another list. Finally taking the steps to identify triggers and put it to paper so I have it literally on hand to remind myself to take a deep breath and step outside the issue to be rational.

I dunno I’m rambling.
I’m tired…

Last updated December 12, 2019