mixed non emotion in Second 1st

I’ve been avoiding reading.... there is so much with NoJoMo.... it’s been overwhelming and I’ve been horrible about writing again .... it’s just too much each time I get on. I hope I get around to reading your entries.... all of you.

Facebook has been putting in a ton of ads for exercise stuff. There are 2 sets of videos in particular that I think look fun and I decided to look into one of them. I’ve been saying “I’m going to do something for like 6 weeks” just to see what that bit would do. With commitment it’s only 6 weeks. I mean that’s what I’ll tell myself. Hopefully by the time week 6 comes around I’ll want to do more. If not I’ll take a 2 week break and start over with something else..... I’ve been tired of being fat too long now.

So, I’m doing Body Groove. It looked fun and interesting. Some of the things the lady says rings too true for me. I say looked but I just finished day 2. Doing 4 vids a day (roughly 20 mins). Any movement more than normal is good so this is what I’m doing for 6 weeks. We will see.....

I’ve been emotionally shut down the last couple days. Mom called me while I was at work (around 6pm) and of course I couldn’t answer because I was working. She left a message that I listened to as soon as I got out. My Aunt Cheryl passed after a surgery on her heart did not go well. She’s had heart issues her whole life. She was 62. She was the odd aunt. I remember guys she dated when I was young but she eventually settled in with the husband she left behind they had been married 26 years. This is the last remaining Aunt I would rush to a funeral for. This is actually likely the first aunt I remember. Her children were born just after we were and the same sexes. So we each had someone to buddy up with. There were many times we went back and forth between their house and ours. I bet 6 of us brats were a horrible thing to handle as a single mom but she did it. She was loving and fun, silly and random. I will.... but I’ve barely cried. Somethings wrong with me.... I don’t know.... I just don’t want to deal with it. I’ve stayed busy.... and I guess until I run out of things that need to be done I won’t. She is to be cremated with services “closer to her birthday”. She had 6 kids in total (3 hers, 3 his) and 12 grand kids (about to be 13). Her birthday in in March (3) it’s a Tuesday. As it comes closer hopefully I can go..... I mean..... I’ll get it figured out and go. It’s a matter of if mom books a flight early enough to get a cheap ticket and tells me so I can also get a cheap ticket.... and moving vacation time which I have to use before April 1st anyway.... or if we are driving and if we need to get a room or if we can stay with family. It’s a matter of setting money aside and not so much IF but how. I’ll call her later today to see what she thinks as far as flying or driving if it’s an option. Honestly, I’d love to fly up and rent a car.... It’s far enough off that Rocky will have time too.... It would be nice a trip Me, mom and Rocky.... Maybe Scott (brother) will get off and come. There is time for planning.

Today, I have a list.... it’s a normal list really.... just trying to clean the house one room at a time without committing my whole day to it. Justin’s on the odds....I’ve got to run to the store in a little bit to get a couple things we didn’t get last night. Later today we had planned on going to do an Escape Room with a friend of mine at work. I did tell him about the death but cancelling will be up to him. I’m up for it.... I’m up for anything so I don’t have to deal with the hurt today.... I’ll do it tomorrow. I will, I don’t have anything else planned.