Thanksgiving Eve. in Since OD is shutting down....

So i only worked 4 hours tonight and then went and got some snacks and stuff for tomorrow while we wait for the roast. I don’t really like turkey and after almost burning the house down last year trying to make one, I decided roast is the way to go. I have potatoes, carrots and a really good glaze to add as well.

It does make me sad that we probably won’t hear from anyone but I’m very grateful that I have my little girl and don’t spend holidays alone anymore. I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday by myself 3 years ago when I was pregnant and I laid in bed crying all day. It was really hard that no one cared about me. My family didn’t even bother to invite me. I have spent almost every holiday by myself for the past 13 years I’ve been out on my own and it got super depressing. I never mentioned to anyone because I was scared they would invite me out of pity and I didn’t want that.

It has been super cold today and the weekend is supposed to be awful. I have to work at 8:30 Friday morning and I’m already dreading that because I have to be up super early and get my kid up, do breakfast, a bath and be out the door by 7:50. Usually the earliest we leave the house is like almost 10am. It’s going to suck even more because the weather is supposed to be bad. I also have to work Sunday because we are off tomorrow.

I still wanna move a few hours away and I think about it quite a bit. I don’t have a reason to stay here other than my job. I know we’ll probably be here until my daughter is to start school because it’ll be easier to figure out schedules. I don’t want to be here anymore. This fucking town is filled with so many creeps and obviously nothing is ever going to change with my family or my daughter’s Dad.

Her Dad is such a fucking piece of work man. I could write a fucking book. I have never been treated so terrible and I know I’ll probably take his abuse with me for the rest of my life. He’s made me out to be a fucking monster when I’ve rearranged my entire life for my child and make sure that she has a home, food, clothing, childcare, everything she could ever need or want and he’s running from CS.

I’ve tried just too hard to give this person a fair chance to be a Dad and it just doesn’t work. I feel that he’s had so many chances and he’s taken full advantage. I just can’t allow his to check in and out when he wants to play super Dad because my daughter’s getting older and she’s going to end up super hurt by his crap. I have tried to get along with him and his family just to be called every name in the book, be threatened, and non-stop drama. I will not subject myself to it anymore.

This last time he was around was the game changer for me. It was the same exact thing that happens every time but I think because this has gone on the entire time by kid has been alive, I have to just give up now. His need for attention is absolutely sickening. He takes a bunch of pictures of her every time he’s around so that he can convince everyone around him how great of a Dad he is when he’s been around maybe a total of 30 days her whole life. He uses her to hurt other people too. I’m still pissed that he saw her on her birthday, ran into the bathroom to get a selfie with her and used it to put on gofundme to take her out of state!

Anyways, I need to get little one to bed.