About time. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.
- March 13, 2014, 7:03 p.m.
- |
- Public
Mark your calendars, I'm in a fantastic mood. Day nine dry, and I'm four for four at the gym this week. Am I over the hump? God damn, I better be, I've suffered enough. Even in the darkness, I kind of look around and say, "You know, there's really nothing wrong with my life. I just feel like shit for no reason." I like to think I've gotten better with not searching for things to beat myself up about. Those touched by darkness know it's very hard to think positive things when we feel like that.
Or maybe I just needed a few days off in a row, really in a row, to feel rested. My biggest vices were alcohol and not getting enough sleep. To keep feeling like this, I gotta make sure I GET ENOUGH SLEEP. God damn.
I'm in the mood to drive to music. I think I'll take Elissa to Arby's when she drops by later.
As I was driving back from the gym, it occurred to me that days like these were the times I enjoyed having Candi. Just. We were really good at spending time together, as dumb as that sounds. Wasting time, I suppose? Movies or video games or getting out, whatever. We logged SO many hours playing Everquest2 together.
But. We were only happy when I was happy. Keeps coming back to that. When I wasn't okay, I pulled into myself and felt like I had nobody to comfort me. You gotta feel, without question, that someone makes you feel better when you're low, rather than questioning how you're even going to begin to speak. Because I'm an awkward person and when I'm most relaxed, I just kind of BLARGH my stuff and feel better sharing.
She might say it's my fault for not trusting her. Yet, why place blame? Sometimes, it's just a feeling. I never felt like I could be that level of close to her. It was nothing she did wrong. It was just her.
When you're sad or depressed, you need things to look forward to, as something to work towards, a reason to not just give up or kill yourself. And when you're content, the present is all you need to look at.
Also, Kira says "Time for loving is now, Daddy."
Deleted user ⋅ March 13, 2014
Pretteh kitteh
Life.Uncommon ⋅ March 13, 2014
I haven't read this yet and I swear I will but I ran (internetilly speaking) over here just to say I found the bowl. I found the heart bowl in this dainty fair pink shade and don't you goddamn know, I didn't have enough cash on me. Next time though...shakes fist
Life.Uncommon ⋅ March 13, 2014
Filly enjoys shoving herself between me and whatever I am doing (usually rocking a child) and says, "hello, I am here for pets and love."
You're right, there's no blame. The basis is you didn't feel supported for whatever reason(s), and she didn't support you for whatever reason(s), and sometimes people just...CANT.
Timmy™ Life.Uncommon ⋅ March 13, 2014
I've apparently never had cats this affectionate before. Kira is such a total slut. She's look up at me and then just plop on her back and I'm like, "KIRA, YOU'RE GOING TO GET STEPPED ON." T'Pol loves food, but even she has her moments of meowing and jumping on my lap and going to sleep.
She tried to support me, don't get me wrong. She even got frustrated because she "felt" she was doing all this "stuff" for me and she felt unappreciated. And I have no doubt she had a basis for feeling that way. But one way or another, we weren't meeting each other's needs.
This is tangent, but she was contingent on me for her happiness. "Our future" was her fall-back, which was just too much pressure on me. I felt no space to fail. I believe people should be happy in their own right, and being together makes you stronger and stuff. Not relying on another for their own happiness. Comfort is one thing. Meh, now I'm babbling.
AnOrangeZebra ⋅ March 13, 2014
Omg so adorbs!!!
Fawkes Gal ⋅ March 14, 2014
Aww... kitty!
"You know, there's really nothing wrong with my life. I just feel like shit for no reason." Is a very wise statement. I wish more people could recognize that feeling when it happens to them.
Timmy™ Fawkes Gal ⋅ March 15, 2014
It's difficult, because we always think, "I feel bad. Clearly there must be something bad I need to fix!" And so our brains go hyperactive nit-picking everything that could possibly be wrong.