Holistically Speaking 1122 in Current Events

I am vibrating at the lowest of frequencies. Shame and fear. I am such an idiot. I keep talking about a lawyer and it didn’t even cross my mind that I am going to have to pay that lawyer. I was on my way to my bank to close my retirement account and to liquidate the last few hundred bucks when I had that epiphany. Suddenly all of my immediate problems hit me at once. I just started screaming in my car at the top of my lungs. I sat in my car outside of the bank to collect myself before I went in. I kept thinking about what I want to say to my doctor next week when we discuss my mental health. I am suffering from my own intelligence. I don’t think there is something wrong with my biochemistry but maybe I should take a prescription and use it as a clutch while I sort myself out. It’s like, I have enough metacognition to understand what my brain and body are doing but I can’t stop it. My mind is always emotionally preparing me for the worst-case scenario and all that I have to do is get it to emotionally prepare me for the best-case scenario instead and I will end the cycle of suffering from my past.

All of our problems have the same one solution, Tom. You can do it! I said that to myself as I got out of my car to handle some shit. As I was sitting in the room with the financial advisor I was thinking about how I need to trust the process. I need to have faith that the cosmos is on my side and that everything that led me to where I am now was meant to happen. I was starring at their brochures thinking about how I was at the top of my game this year. I am the best version of myself I said when I met my therapist. Work was never better, my health was never better, my relationships were never better, my finances were never better… but I was just making the most out of a job that I hated. I was surrounded by negative people that I was using to distract me from my own issues. I was too focused on my fitness & appearance and my finances were what was trapping me in that shitty job. I wanted to break from free from that comfort zone and fearlessly go after the life that I truly wanted for myself. That’s why I went and saw a therapist.

So I was just sitting at that desk this morning at the bank thinking about how I lost everything I built but that I always held on to the belief that it was all meant to happen. To make room for something greater. I saw a brochure on the floor that read Do you have overdraft protection? I was like YES! A little bit. My bank always catches me when I fall. I’m not in an immediate financial crisis. Then as I started looking around for holistic coincidences and synchronicities the FA said that he needed me to signs some forms. And I oop… I forgot to put the date he said. Then he scribbles 11/22 in big numbers on the top of the page. Yes, it’s just a date but I’m a holistic detective now. That means I read into everything. 11 brings the message to positively align your thoughts with your intentions and desires rather than fears. 22 brings the message to listen to your intuition and to follow your heart, both of which will guide you in the direction of your life purpose and your highest possible path. The time was 11:22 as I was typing this actually. Those numbers combined is just suggesting that now is the perfect time to move on from the past and create a new beginning that is in greater alignment with your authentic truth.

Basically I need to not be ashamed and afraid. I need to emotionally prepare myself for the best-case scenarios in my life and everything will fall into place if I align my intentions with it. Take action you big bloated bitch is basically all that the cosmos is saying. Holistically speaking of course. Mostly, I’m just trying to calm myself down here. I’m having a how the hell did I get here? moment knowing damn well that I keep making dumb little choices that take so far off track. I’m just being an adult and trying to pretend that pain isn’t happening to me. Alcohol I miss you.

Last updated November 23, 2019