November 21, 2019 in Productivity Diary

Starting balance: 47.28 hours

3 mins
9 mins
2 mins
27 mins

Current balance: 46.70 hours
If I’m not starting am I? Darn. Okay. Comps, then Grade, then lecture prep, and that’s all for today. Okay fine, email too.

6 mins
1 mins
14 mins

27 mins
Current balance: 45.90 hours

11 mins
22 mins
-Grade
-Lecture prep
-Final study guide grrrrrrrrr whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Current balance: 45.35 hours

Maybe I should finish grading then do the study guide and the lesson. This is going to be so HARD because it is my first time leading a discussion. It will be alright, though.

12 mins
Ending balance: 45.15 hours

Daily messages to him:

I started the C. S. Lewis’ book “A Grief Observed”! I got through 1/6 of it, so at this rate, I’ll finish this little 36-page book in … 6 weeks (I don’t read books for fun very much). See, one more thing to remember you by! I hope that for the rest of my life, I can always look back and wonder, on what occasion did I read my first C. S. Lewis book ever? And then I remember you. This book is pretty short, and his grief is so immense: his wife died. I just lost my listener, so nothing compares (then again, it’s been 6 months). He is so interesting, as I would expect just from what I heard of him.

I like this part: “After the death of a friend, years ago, I had for some time a most vivid feeling of certainty about his continued life; even his enhanced life. I have begged to be given even one hundredth part of the same assurance about H. There is no answer.” Not that he doesn’t believe in an after life; he just somehow can’t see that after his wife’s death.

Also this, “This is unfair to the others. I should soon be using ‘what H. would have liked’ as an instrument of domestic tyranny; with her supposed likings becoming a thinner and thinner disguise for my own.” Yeah I wonder, I could be telling myself about “what YOU would have said,” but over time, it’ll just be my own voice talking and giving advice to myself, I guess.

Also he felt himself like death-head: every happily married couple would look at him and understand that some day, it will be one of them. Unexpected, and rather funny.