A summary of the past week in ❅journal 2019❅

The week’s been okay so far, i guess. Compared to the past month it’s been great.

I have another boyfriend, I know I know “wow surprise” I know. The relationship is good, despite me being crazy.

Currently I’m curled up in bed with my stuffed animals thrown all over my room. I haven’t been in a good mindset to clean lately so everything’s just there.

I made a big fuss over something today and now I’m just idk mad at myself. As usual, so I just want a punishment of some kind. I haven’t really gotten any so I’m upset.

More than upset, I feel like I’m going to burst into tears any second. Call it the masochist in me, i really wanted a hardcore punishment. Screaming on the phone, cursing, that stuff. I guess…im used to it…but I won’t bring it up again and I’ll just shut up.

I went the entire day without underwear basically, per the masturbating with said boyfriend. I’ve already explained with John about how i don’t really care about sex or anything like that anymore, so I don’t care about masturbating i guess.

Anyway, I had to sit in my underwear that was soaked for some time, then I gave up and put them in my skirt pocket. I don’t know if anyone noticed but I had to bend down to pick my book up and did a weird crouch drop to get it.

Eventually I came home and just watched reality TV while zoning out. I disscioate a lot so I lost track of time in between hallucinating. Now let’s talk about that.

They where nice hallucinations. The man there was nice, all he did was rub my hair. It felt comforting so i didn’t notice how hysterical I had gotten.

Sunday and Monday I was horrible. I kept thinking about how age regressing won’t be enough. How I’ll want it more and more, it made me pretty depressed. I wondered what I’d do if I lost my caregiver? I got to sobbing pretty hard before exhuastint myself to sleep.