And the I's have it in 2014

Information: There is finally the unveiling of some pieces and possibilities. Health has been a concern for awhile now, and especially sleep health. I've been struggling with severe sleep problems for... probably a decade or more that have gradually worsened the past 3 or 4 years. Last year, I underwent a couple of sleep studies and found out that I have a fairly severe case of obstructive sleep apnea, where the soft tissue of my palette and throat cause my windpipe to close when I sleep. So, I usually only get about 2 or 3 hours of real sleep a night.

The doctor put me on a CPAP breathing machine back in the fall. It has helped some, but not significantly. So more doctor visits. I finally saw an ENT a couple of weeks ago and found out that the apnea has been caused over time by a deviated septum. So now comes surgery. Two, actually. The first will be next month, both to fix the tissue in my throat causing the obstructions and to remove my tonsils. Once that's done, the second surgery will address the deviated septum. There should be significant improvement after both, but we'll have to wait and see how much.

Impatient: I definitely am. The impact of the better part of a decade of sleep deprivation has really taken a toll on me in ways I probably don't even fully understand. It's messed up my metabolism, my appetite and eating habits, my mood. It affects memory, concentration, and ability to focus. It definitely negatively impacts my mood. I'm tired and drained. I've been running on fumes for....God only knows how long now. I'm tapped out, and just don't have anything else to spare internally. And it's going to take a long time, even with the surgeries, to recharge any significant amount.

Introverted: One of the best labels (which I am generally not a fan of) for me, actually. An introvert does not automatically mean shy (which I can be) or anti-social (depends on my mood, but I have always worked in some form of customer service, so I deal with people well). It means you need time alone and away from people to recharge energy, to think, to process, and to regain internal balance. Since my energy levels are so low all the time, I'm pretty much in a constant state of introversion and have been for a few years now. It's a constant battle to find some way of recharging even small amounts of energy just to deal with the day to day necessities. When I'm doing well over all, the introversion is much less pronounced, but I'm a long way from that right now.

Insular: This one has been aimed at me a few times lately, and there's a lot of truth to it. It seems to often go hand in hand with introversion (at least perceived to), but it tends to carry more negative connotations. I have to admit that I can be insular, and I seem to be getting more so as I get older. A lot of it is just a mark of my personality, but a lot is tied to the exhaustion and resulting depressed mood. It's not easy for me to tell where the line between the two lies. I find myself becoming more and more selfish with my time and energy, especially since I have so little of the latter to go around. I'm becoming less....tolerant of dealing with people, and wanting more quiet and alone time...even when it's detrimental. It's certainly made me a less than stellar friend, and even more so boyfriend, over the past couple of years. I'm beginning to accept that part of it is my personality, though, despite it being so easy to blame it on my health, sleep, and energy issues. I'm beginning to think there's a fairly large selfish streak in my personality that I haven't been willing to admit.

Intimidating: I don't think so, but I've been called that by someone in particular...

Intelligent: I was the stereotypical nerd in school, but I feel less and less so as time goes on.

Independent: Not nearly as much as I want to be nor should be.