Affirm in Current Events

I woke up and had that brief moment of peace for the first time in months. That moment before my mind floods my conscious with the day to day thoughts. I wish I would never wake up again was my response to those thoughts. Thinking about my problems causes my mind drama and upsets but I am finally learning how to rumble with my emotions. That garbage thought does not serve me! I said out loud to myself. I went straight to my journal, I put on the bracelet that Bev made for me that is made of healing crystals and then I wrote down my daily affirmations about being strong, balanced and positive. I will take action today! I wrote in big letters across the entire page when I was done. Then I remembered my visit with my mother this past Saturday and I felt a need to send her an empowering text about her work but I hesitated and then decided not to. Stop hesitating! I said to myself. I then sent her a damn text. Have a good day at work! Take a deep breath and affirm to yourself that you will not let the toxic millennials pollute your good vibes that we all know and love! I could tell by her reply that she absolutely loved getting that text. To know that she has somebody on her side. Somebody that she can talk to and relate to. Somebody who cares. I do care.

I applied for a couple of Assistant Manager positions on Thursday & Friday and it was a long weekend so I did not have an opportunity to do any following up. I checked my e-mails today and Indeed sent me a list of twenty new Assistant Manager positions that opened up. Perfect! Every single time that I remember my unemployment situation and my financial situation I immediately cringe, violently. I lose my breath for a moment so I jump out of my seat and grab my chest, I then pace back and forth in my room saying omg omg omg repeatedly until I calm down. That is the habit of the self that I want to retire. The self that reacts to life instead of creating it. The self that is tethered to this 3D reality & experience. 2019 has been happening for me, not to me. I need to have faith that a higher power has been pruning my life so that I can have room to grow. Faith is hard to have when you have next to nothing but that is because I have to put in the work and meet life halfway. That means that I can no longer pretend that pain isn’t happening to me.

I am not a spiritual person but I found a belief system that really speaks to me. I want to explore it and integrate it into my life so that I can learn how to become my authentic self and add value to others. That feels like a purpose that I can stand behind. I feel shaken and broken today but I am okay.
I am an infinite soul having a temporary human experience
I am not going to let my pains make my decisions
Every thought is a potential reality and I will not let negative thoughts create my future
I am going to bless and acknowledge upset and heartache and give forgiveness
I am going to be confident and fearless and take actions

PS
In regards to the potential lawsuit against my previous employers, I thought that I left everything undocumented but I was wrong! I just realized that I documented all of it on Prosebox. Times, dates, witnesses and all of that is available to me. Today is the anniversary of when the company decided to protect the predator instead of putting in the work to create a better culture that protects women and employees from injustices and indignities. But yeah, that’s drama for another day.

Last updated November 12, 2019